Does becoming a mom automatically make you un-friendable? It seems like when I had my sweet Avery, I gained a daughter, but lost all of my really good friends. If someone were to ask me right now who my best friend was, I would have trouble coming up with an answer. Actually, before I go any farther, let me clarify. My husband is, without a doubt, my best friend. I know that I can tell him anything and he's always the first person I turn to whenever I have something on my mind or have news to share. Sometimes though, you just need a girl-best friend. Someone that understands that you HAD to buy that cute pair of shoes or your need to go into an Anthropologie store even though you can't afford anything in there. Someone to call when you need to complain about your husband (just kidding Marty! sort of....). Someone who will meet you for lunch once a month just so you have an excuse to put nice clothes on. I need that person in my life. And I don't have them.
I had my college friends. People that would hang out on a Wednesday night at the drop of a hat and didn't care if I called at 1 am on a Thursday to just talk or make a Taco Bell run. As college friends tend to do though, they graduated. I graduated. We got jobs. We moved. We got married. And, even though I share some of my fondest memories with those people, I can't remember the last time I talked to them. Other than the occasional "Facebook hello," I can't remember the last real conversation I had with them. I feel like that's part of life though. You share the college experience and then you grow up.
Once upon a time, I would have considered my sister my best friend. I would tell her everything. And I think she did the same. We knew that we shared an unspoken sisterly bond. Until I had a baby. A baby that would become her niece. Suddenly, seeing me was less important, unless I was bringing my kid along. The bond is still there, but it's more my kid's aunt---her niece's mom kind of bond. The ability to share secrets and stay on the phone spilling my guts isn't really there anymore. I guess we're at different points in life now. I used to love hanging out with my cousins. We're all close in age and we would spend a lot of time hanging out, giggling and bonding. Now, I feel like the old maid that's left out of the loop. Browse any of their tweets on a weekend and you'll see inside jokes and plans for parties and get-togethers. It just makes me feel.....old. Outdated. Friend-less. I understand that I'm not the same person I was pre-baby. I can't take off on a Wednesday night to hang out or go watch a movie on a weekend with all of them without making plans for a babysitter and trying to get home in time for the bath-bottle-bedtime routine...but sometimes it's nice to pretend that I'm still that person.
I have my mommy friends. The girls whose daughters are around Avery's age and we have the occasional play date. I love spending time with these girls. I know that I can show up with baby food in my hair or be late because I had a poop explosion situation on my hands and they just get it. We can talk about epidurals for hours or the things we're going to do differently on our next babies. But we haven't gotten past that "mommy friend" point. We have a great time at the play date, but that's really where the friendships end, with the exception of one or two of the girls.
Right now, I would probably consider my mom my best friend. We have more things in common than we ever have before and I know that I can talk to her for hours about whatever was on my mind. She understands my need to have a good cry about Avery's sleep issues and gives me advice on how she would start to wean Avery off her bottles. But (and if you're reading this mom, PLEASE don't take this the wrong way) there are things you can't talk to your mom about. Sometimes, you just need a best friend. I realize that it's not an easy thing to do. It's not like I can just take an ad out in the paper: Wanted. Best friend for a 20-something mommy. Must understand if lunch dates are cancelled due to teething, but also must be prepared for a 3 am ranting phone call when her daughter is up for the fourth time. Needs to be a frequent window shopping buddy that supports her shoe habit. Unpaid position.
Is it something I've done? Have I put myself in this mommy zone and made myself unfriendable? Have I subconsciously distanced myself from everyone I was close to and only have myself to blame? Or is it just part of life? Meet the guy, get married, have the baby, lose all friends? Am I the only one??