Dec 17, 2012

Are there any words?

I promise my posts will get happier again.  One day.  Until then, it just doesn't seem right to do a typical Hot Mess update with the events that transpired on Friday. 
I'm still in on Earth did this happen?  I don't even know if this post is going make sense because I have so many feelings since learning the news on Friday afternoon. 

Of course, like most of you, I am completely heartbroken.  Heartbroken for the children who were taken from this world far too early.  Heartbroken for their teachers who won't see those 20 smiling faces in class every single day.  Heartbroken, because I'm sure those teachers are feeling guilty that they couldn't save them.  Heartbroken for the parents.  For the classmates.  For the brothers.  The sisters.  The aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.  Heartbroken that someone had that much hate in their heart to do something like this.  Heartbroken for school teachers and children and parents everywhere. 

The more details that come out, the angrier I become.  Children shot multiple times.  The Westboro Baptist Church (you know, the ones that love to protest military funerals) talking about plans to protest the funerals of the children--because our "wicked" country DESERVED for this to happen.  I don't even think I have words to talk about how furious that makes me.  Angry at the people that want to talk about their anti-gun/pro-gun stance in the wake of the deaths of these 26 people.  I do not care what your gun stance is right now.  These are innocent people that were murdered for absolutely no reason--let's talk about that.  I'm angry at the people that want to take this opportunity to blast the President.  Last time I checked, we were still America.  And we're an America that's hurting right now.....badly.  I could care less if you agree with Obama or voted for him.  He took the time to go to Connecticut to support those grieving families--and even shed a tear, as a father, over the little lives lost.  Go tell someone who cares who you voted for in November. 

Like everyone else, especially all the parents of America, I'm scared.  How do you trust that your child is going to be safe in school ever again?  As terrible as this sounds, we're "prepared" for this when kids enter high school age.  We expect that hormone-ridden teenagers are capable of doing something so terrible to their fellow classmates.  But elementary school children?  We think that school is where our children will be safe.  How can you explain to your child that school is a safe place for them to be?  My child isn't even of school age yet and I'm terrified for her.  My first reaction--beyond shock and sadness--was the thought of homeschooling Avery.  You want to tell people that it will never happen here, that it was an isolated event.  How do you know??  If it happened in a small Connecticut town, who's to say it can't happen in a small (fill in your state) town?  I feel robbed of my sense of security as a parent.  Where can I take my child that this isn't going to happen?  How can I keep her safe until she's an adult?  It all comes down to a simple answer:  I can't.  I can raise Avery with every precaution in the world and she's still going to make her own decisions and live in this horribly evil world.  I can't shelter her forever.  Should I deny her the right to go to school or in public and make friends because I'm terrified of something like this happening to her?  Should I keep her locked away in our home, not letting her experience any of the wonderful things that life has to offer--just because I'm scared?  I know the obvious answer, but it doesn't ease my anxiety or worry one bit.  All I can do is to raise Avery to be cautious of strangers and to listen to her teachers and caregivers in case something like this were to happen.  Then I leave the rest up to my Heavenly Father.  Can you imagine how God felt, knowing that His son was going to face a horrible death someday?  So, I turn to Him.  He's been here.  He's known grief and suffering.  He's known the loss of His child.  He's known death and tragedy.  As much as I want to shake my fists at Him and ask "WHY!!??," I trust that He has a bigger plan for all of us {"For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD." *jeremiah 29:11"}--including the 20 babies that left this world on Friday.  All I can do is pray.  Pray for comfort for all of us, as a nation that has been completely rocked to the core after Friday's events.  Pray that He wraps His arms around the families and the friends of the victims {"He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge." *psalm 91:4}.  I pray that He provides them with comfort and peace {"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. *philippians 4:7}.  I pray that we all find comfort, knowing that those 20 children are playing in the streets of Heaven right now and listening to stories at Jesus' feet {"Let the children come to me.  Don't stop them!  For the kingdom of Heaven belongs to them." *matthew 19:14}. 

I know we've heard it all over and over--don't take this life for granted, hug the ones you love--but one of my favorite quotes sums up how I've felt since Friday:
"Love the people God gave you.
He's going to need them back some day."


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