Mar 3, 2013

Control Freak.

It's funny how God has a way of reminding me that I'm not in control of anything.  Nothing at all.  As much as I try to control my life, my husband, my child, my corner of the world, I can't.  Nothing made that more clear than the events of this weekend. 
You may remember that we were supposed to move this weekend.  SUPPOSED TO being the key word there.  We didn't, obviously.  To make a long story (that ends up with a violently angry me) short, we were told that we can't move into our new home until an appraisal is done.  An appraisal that will take another 10-14 days for someone to come out to the house and do.  10-14 days.  That's TWO WEEKS.  Which basically means that I've busted my rear this weekend to get our ENTIRE house packed into boxes for absolutely no reason.  And when I say that I've packed everything, I'm not exaggerating.  I've packed our medicines, pajamas, our shoes, our pots and pans, our underwear....everything.  So I'm going to have to go through every single box, figure out what I need to take out to live on for the next two weeks....only to repack it again in two weeks.  When I found out this news on Friday, I was angry.  Violently, break something, scream and shake my fists angry.  I'd had a headache for going on a week straight, stressing about packing, moving and unpacking.  Now I had a headache for an entirely different reason.  Talk about a complete and total inconvenience.  My weekend was completely ruined.  Not to mention the next two weeks being a pain in the neck.  Until this morning's sermon at church.  The message that was given was on John 18:1-11 and Jesus' betrayal and arrest.  Out of every situation you can think of Jesus being in during his lifetime, you would think that during his arrest, he would have been completely out of control of the events going on.  His friend, his disciple, was betraying him, turning him over to be sacrificed.  You would have thought he would felt out of control of his situation, his circumstances. But he isn't (You need to hear the entire message.  I can't do it justice.  So go click on the online messages tab.  The date is March 3rd, 2013).  As I sat, listening to my preacher, I was reminded--I can't control everything.  I can't even try.  Instead, I need to remember that even when I'm not in control, God is.  Even when it feels like my best laid plans (aka moving this weekend into a new home) are falling apart, God is there.  He's in control.  So instead, I need to trust Him and look at the bright side of things.  I've never been a "glass half full" kind of person.  I want to be.  I want to be an optimist and look at the silver lining, but I tend to focus more on the negatives and the things that aren't going right.  I'm going to try to be the "glass half full" kind of person.  Instead of focusing on not being in my new house right now (like I should be this very second), I'm going to think about the extra two weeks I have to slowly move the things into my new house.  I can visit the house on my lunch breaks from work and slowly unpack things.  I can have my "office/art room" set up and arranged before we even move in.  I can have clothes in the closet and medicines and bathroom stuff put away.  I can stock the cabinets and put away our dishes.  Then, I can have those empty boxes to pack the remaining stuff at our "old" house.  This will work out for us.  This will make me a more patient person.  Plus, it gives me two extra weeks to come to terms with my emotions over moving and say goodbye to our house.  I'm going to remember that even when I'm not in control, God is.  And he knows what he's doing.


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