I'm Lost.

I don't have a single clue what I'm doing.

I have a two year old in my house. And, up until about three weeks ago, I felt pretty confident in my parenting skills. No, I didn't have all the answers and I didn't feel like I was doing everything exactly right, but I felt like the steps I was taking was going to lead down a path that ends with a well-behaved child. 

That's all gone. Any confidience I once had in myself and my parenting abilities have flown right out the window. 

This past week has been, BY FAR, the most challenging I have ever had since Avery has been born. In the past week, it's been non-stop moodiness, whining, crying, indecisiveness and pooping in her pants. The last one frustrates me the most. Avery was potty trained before she was two. Something I'm pretty proud of. And it didn't take too much effort on my part. Avery basically decided, by waking up dry for a solid week, that she was ready to be potty trained. And we haven't looked back. Yes, we had a few accidents in the beginning, but it's been a very long time since she's had one. So this recent string of running to me (two out of the three days, she had just been on the potty not 10 minutes prior to the "incidents"), telling me that she'd pooped her pants is completely mind boggling to me. 

Now, I'm not stupid. I know she's two. And accidents are to be expected because she's been potty trained for far less than a year. But three days in a row of the same behavior that we haven't had a problem with before? I don't get it. 

Then there's the moodiness. I thought we weren't going to have to deal with that until she was well into the pre-teen years. But, lo and behold, I have a two year old that just cannot be satisfied. We eat dinner, she cries because we gave her a blue bowl instead of the dirty Minnie Mouse one that's sitting in the sink, waiting to be washed. I get her ready for school and let her pick out 90% of her outfit, she cries because she doesn't like the pants I'm putting on her. Most evenings are more of the same--wants me to hold her, then cries because she's not sitting in her Princess chair. Wants me to give her Dora fruit chews, then cries when I hand her an open bag of them. I. Don't. Get it. 

Again, I know she's two. I know she's going to be testing her limits and seeing what she can get away with and displaying her newfound toddler attitude. But this whining and displeasure with every single thing? Baffles me. And makes me feel like a total failure. 

Is it something I'm doing wrong? Do I discipline her too much? Should I be taking away things instead of putting her in time out? Am I disciplining wrong and that's what is causing the outbursts and all out refusal to listen to anything I tell her? I've always been pretty confidient in my role as a mom. I knew when I was being hard on Avery, but felt confidient that I was doing it for the right reasons and to make her into a well-behaved child. Now, I feel like the insecure child, afraid to make any move concerning my child out of fear that it will be the wrong thing. 

I know there's no "right" answer. I know there's no handbook on how kids are supposed to act at this age and how I'm supposed to handle it when they do. Every child is different. While one child responds to time outs, the other does better with the silent treatment. I know there's no magic remedy to get me through the toddler years without the terrible twos and threes. I just wish I could feel confident that I'm doing the right things and I'm going to be rewarded with a fairly well behaved and respectable child down the road. Anyone have a crystal ball I can borrow??

Christmas List.....For Myself.

I'm really, really terrible at Christmas shopping.

I go searching for things that I think people will want and I end up finding a million things that I want for myself.  I even created a Pinterest board where I pin all the things that I want (within a reasonable price range).  I'm not selfish, I just see a lot of things that I'd like in the process of searching for that "perfect" gift for everyone on my list.  C'mon.  Someone else tell me that they find a bunch of things they want while they're Christmas shopping too....I cannot be the only one.

There's an entire wish list I've created in my head.  It's called My "Things I Really Want, But Need to Save Money for Because I'm Not Asking People for Such Silly Gifts for Christmas" Wish List.

Like these.

1.)  I have an addiction to planners.  I seriously buy one every couple of months.  I get one, get tired of it, buy a new one for the next 4 months or so.  Wasteful, yes.  I know.  But I just have a deep love of planners and all different styles.  This is a box set from Moleskin where you have a brand new, color coded planner for every single month.  I WANT THIS.

Problem.  It's $39.99 regular price.  Today ONLY, it's on sale on zulily.com for only $24.99.  This makes me feel like I should take advantage of the deal and buy it for myself.  I'd hate someone to have to spend $40 on it when I can get it for $15 less.  Right?  That makes total sense.....right??

2.)  *deep sigh*  This beauty is from Modcloth....one of my favoritest websites EVER.  If I'm ever having a crappy day, I go on there and just look at the fun, witty stuff they've come up with and build a wish list in my head.  This particular item though?  I've been eyeing for a good while.  I debated on buying it for months, it ended up getting sold out, I signed up for an email notification to let me know when it came back in stock, it came back in stock....and I still haven't bought it.  I can't justify spending $35 on myself for something like this.  But I love it so much.  It's vintage looking...like an old card catalog from my middle school library.  And I'm sick of picking coats up off the kitchen table and the backs of chairs.  Still, it's not a necessity...yet.  Maybe a few more months before I decide I just have to have it for my entry way.

3.)  Francine Rivers, without a doubt, is my favorite author of all time.  I have a lot of favorite books...the Harry Potter series, The Giver, A Gentle Thunder by Max Lucado....but nothing even comes close to things that Francine Rivers has written.  I've read all of her books.  Most of them multiple times.  If you've never read her work, start with Redeeming Love.  Then read A Voice in the Wind, followed up with the sequel, An Echo in the Darkness.  Then Atonement Child.  Heck, you cannot go wrong with anything she's written (just please promise me you'll start with Redeeming Love).  This is her new book, Bridge to Haven.  You can't even buy it yet...just pre-order.  It won't be available until April 22, 2014.  And I'm still tempted to go ahead and spend the $14.99 to make sure I get a copy.  *siiiiiigh*

4.)  This one pangs me a little.  I literally came thiiiiiiiiiiis close to getting this Dooney and Bourke vintage-inspired Disney World iPad case from my mom for Christmas.  It was originally $90 and Disney was offering a coupon code for that day.  Free shipping and like 30% off your order (I can't remember if that was the actual percentage off, but it made it way cheaper than it was to begin with).  I called my mom, told her that I found one of my three items I wanted for Christmas

(side note: since as long as I can remember, my parents have told my sisters and I that we are only allowed to ask for three things for Christmas.  If three gifts was good enough for Baby Jesus, then it's good enough for us).

My mom agreed to buy it, I had her credit card number in hand and was literally clicking on the button to check out....when the website informed me that the coupon code and free shipping didn't apply to Dooney and Bourke purses.  Now I'm not asking for it out of principle.  I'm mad at you, Disney Store.

5.) Here's the really unreachable one, considering shipping alone from IKEA to Kentucky would cost a good $30 or more.  And the closest IKEA store to me is Cincinnati.  That's three hours away.  Not exactly a "let's run to town" trip in a single day.  But, as I've mentioned before, I'm without a place to craft.  When we moved into our new house, we turned the smaller 3rd bedroom into Avery's playroom (which I hope will eventually become a nursery).  This leaves me without an office/craft room.  Which also leaves me crafting at the kitchen table every night.  I know it's not a necessity, but I would LOVE a place that I can call my own.  That I can decorate and make creative and can be an inspirational place that pushes me to create and paint.  Right now, that would be our unfinished basement.  Since we don't have any plans to finish our basement any time soon, I don't forsee getting an office.  Thus, eliminating the need for a desk.  But it would be really, really nice to have everything stored in a single place that was dedicated to crafting, instead of sitting on my kitchen table and countertops.  And this desk would fit the bill....desk space and storage all in one.  I'm picturing something like this....this desk with another EXPEDIT bookshelf in the back for more storage.

Be still my organizational loving heart.  Maybe one day.


And then I get my medical bills and realize that I don't need to be asking for anything for Christmas anyway.  Just send money.

Nighttime sucks.

I fear nighttime.

No, I'm not afraid of the dark or of a nighttime break-in......I fear nighttime because my child DOES. NOT. SLEEP. 

From the very moment we brought her home, Avery has been keeping us awake at night. While every other mom bragged about her 12 week old sleeping 11 hours through the night, my 12 MONTH old still couldn't figure out how awesome it was to sleep through the entire night. 

For a very brief period, from 18 to 24 months, Avery slept all night, every night. Dear Lord, it was Heaven. Like cute puppies, world peace, rainbows, unicorns and ice cream with sprinkles all rolled into one. I thought we had it figured out and we were past this phase of complete sleeplessness. I was wrong. 

At 24 months, Avery decided that was enough sleep. And has been keeping me up ever since. To say I'm exhausted would be a gross understatement. 

Up until this point, as silly as it sounds, her night waking was tolerable. She was getting up one to two times a night--once to pee and once to just whine. I'd go in to her room, sing her a song and she'd go right back to sleep. It wasn't ideal, but it was manageable. 

Lately though? It's been HELL.  She's been getting up anywhere from 2 to 6 times every single night. I'm furious.  I'm exhausted.  I'm annoyed.  I'm desperate.  I posted the other day about Avery's sleep issues and got several suggestions about sleep techniques to try. Did I mention I'm desperate? 

The original idea that was given to us was a reward system. Let Avery buy a brand new toy, talk it up, then put it in her room--visible but out of reach. Basically, if she sleeps all night, she earns a star. If she gets five stars, then she gets to play with the toy for five minutes. 

We took the bones of this idea and modified it a little. I made a chart with the days of the week for the rest of the month. 

If she sleeps through the night and doesn't wake up crying for me, she gets a sticker. If she fills up with board with stickers, she gets a new toy.  

Night one:  HORRIBLE.  Seriously, just horrible. When we introduced the board and the stickers last night and started talking about sleeping all night, Avery responded by being very whiny about it. But we still talked it up and told her that she needed to sleep all night and not wake mommy up. She obviously didn't care. She was up three or four times last night...I honestly lost count. By the third (or 4th?) time, I was on the verge of running down the hallway, screaming like a banshee, yelling at her to go to sleep until I lost my voice. I'm not proud of those feelings. Thankfully, I didn't scream (although it took every fiber of my being not to). I was very forceful and told her to go to sleep and not get up again. I honestly think she doesn't give a crap whatsoever.  She cried nonstop. I tried ignoring her, but that made her scream even more.

I'm not dumb. This is going to take awhile for her to get it (and Dear God in Heaven, I hope she eventually gets it). Just because last night failed miserably in a burning ball of flames, that doesn't mean that this plan is a failure. I'm going to keep trying. And I'll probably be turning off the monitor tonight just so I can get some sleep. I'm at my absolute wits end. I couldn't even look at my child this morning without feeling anger and wanting to cry. The fact that she's well over two and still doesn't get this makes me feel like a total failure. Like somewhere along the way, I did something horribly wrong and that's why she doesn't sleep ever.  I just need a magic wand that fixes this. I would honestly take three more years of the terrible two tantrums if I could exchange it for Avery sleeping through the night from this point on. 

Ughhhhh. I'll keep y'all updated. Pray night two is better. For real. Because I'm about to lose it. 

NOVEMBER'S Do-Overs---Desk Drama.

How does that old saying go?  "Best laid plans of mice and men often go astray....?"  Such has been my life the last 3+ months.

Same goes for my plans for amazing furniture redos.  *sigh*  Remember my grand plans to redo all the pieces of  furniture in the hoarder-ish collection in my garage?  I was going to do one or two projects/redos every week in October.  I even named the series "October's Do-Overs!"  And then life stepped in.  I spent two days in the hospital, spent almost three weeks recovering and am JUST now getting to the point where I'm not experiencing any weird side effects from medicines and surgery and anesthesia. Yay modern medicine and yay for a crappy body/immune system making everything difficult!  So, I'd like to RE-introduce (with a little twist)....

 NOVEMBER'S Do-Over's!  It doesn't have the snazzy ring to it that October had, but what's a girl to do? To recap:  I will be redoing a piece of furniture every week of November.  And since the month is already half over, I have A LOT of catching up to do.  

FIRST PROJECT!!!  *drum roll*   This ga-orgeous desk I nabbed for $40 at an antique store many moons ago.  

I love the turquoise color that the desk is now, but it matches nothing in my house and it's beat up pretty severely.  One drawer is wonky and there are a ton of spots that would need touching up.  So this beauty is getting a total overhaul.  Since I'm just lovely at making decisions (a.k.a. I have the hardest time deciding something without a million opinions, pro and con lists and lots of deliberation first), I have three options on what to do with this desk.  

{Option 1}---painting the entire desk one color, then selecting a scrapbook paper/wrapping paper/stenciled design.  

Honestly, I think it would be the easiest option.  I just don't know that I'm in love with the look of it.  While I like the contrasting looks and colors, I think the paper strikes me as looking......cheap?  And how long would that last before the paper would start to curl up?  Because that would drive me insane. But stenciling and painting a design would probably be a good compromise.

{Option 2}----Painting the outside one color, painting the inside another. 

The best part about this is that I could totally customize it.  I could paint the entire inside one color.  I could just do the cubbies, like they have in the picture.  I could do the inside and the fronts of the drawers the same color.  Lots of options. 

{Option 3}-----Painting the outside one color, staining the inside.

I'm OBSESSED with this.  I think it's clean, it's classic, it's timeless.  I just love it so much.  BUT.  Every single person that I've showed the picture of my desk and then showed them this has told me what a pain in the rear it is to strip paint.  Which is what I would have to do.  I'd have to be very careful and just strip the paint off the inside of the desk.  If you've noticed, the inside of the desk has lots of nooks and crannies and shelves....it's just going to be a massive undertaking.  Not to mention, I already paid $40 for the desk.  If I go Option #3 route, I also need to buy stripping liquid (I saw an aerosol in Lowe's this weekend that looked interesting), a scraper, gloves, wood stain, paint and new knobs.  The expenses are adding up for this option.  But it's. just. so. pretty.

Too many decisions.  I keep trying to bribe my husband to just go ahead and strip the paint off for me and I'll handle the painting and staining, but he's not biting.  Honestly, I think he's had enough of my crazy projects for awhile.  *bigger sigh*

One, two or three?  Which one do you like better (weighing all the pros and cons)??

Avery's Room Overhaul

There's one room in our home that I haven't even attempted to decorate. 

It's not because I don't have anything to decorate with, or I don't have the time......

It's because I HATE the color that the room is painted.  It sounds silly, but it's true.  Avery's room doesn't have a single thing decorating-wise in it because I hate the color of the walls.  When we moved in, I wanted to paint three of the walls a white color and then one wall a light red.  I was imagining Avery's room to be like this:

I was picturing a subtle Minnie-themed room.  But our painter, who was retired and was painting our house out of a total favor, told me that he really despised painting the color red.  It was a headache, it needed multiple coats, and if I wasn't married to the color, he would really like it if I would pick a different color.  Since he was painting basically our entire house because he'd known Marty since birth, I decided to go with a different color. 

When we lived in Bardstown, Avery's room was painted a purple color.  Her nursery was a light lavender with black and white accents.  When the painter told me I needed to pick a new color, I thought I would just keep some consistency in Avery's brand new room and paint it the same color as her old room. 

I was wayyyyyyyy off on the color. 

I know it doesn't look that bad from the pictures, but in person, it's overwhelming.  As my sister put it once, it's a "teeny bopper purple."  It's in your face.  And I despise it.  Anytime I've gotten a little bit of inspiration, I go into her room and turn right back out because I just don't want to decorate around that color.

So.  New room for Avery!  Yes, we just moved into this house in March.  But I'm SO unhappy with this color and I really want to give Avery a cute room. 

Inspiration!  I'm planning the entire room around this one print I found on Pinterest.

I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS.  I found it on Pinterest and it took me to a Tumblr site of a girl who makes some brilliant artwork and doodles of Disney characters.  I resized it an 11x14 and I'm going to put it above her bed. 

That's as far as I've gotten.  I want it to be Disney/Princess themed without being in your face Disney.  I don't want Disney sheets on the bed, Disney stickers on the wall, none of that.  I want to find pieces from different sites and put it all together to be Disney/Princess-inspired.  Everything I'm finding on Pinterest is just falling flat in my opinion.  Until I can find more options for décor, I'm focusing in on paint colors. 

I made a mistake once....one I won't be repeating soon.  I will not be picking something so in your face for my kid's room (at least until she's older).  I'm not afraid of color....I painted my old office a BRIGHT turquoise for goodness sakes.  I just want something more calming.  More importantly, I want something that's going to last.  Something that I can change the décor around and not have to paint again. 

Options:

Starting at the top, I still like the idea of Avery's room being purple.  When I asked her what color she wanted her room to be, she said "Purple!!"  Thank goodness it wasn't pink. 

I love the idea of doing a yellow.  It's so bright and fun and sunny and it's the first color I see whenever I look at the Princess print.  But is it a color that will be easy to decorate around and switch out themes? 

Then there's the blue.  I love it with the print, but I'm just wondering what it'll look like in Avery's room.  She's not really a blue person anyway.  

On top of the print, there's another factor to consider.  Her rug.

I bought this a couple of months ago on a trip to IKEA.  It was back when I was on a kick to finally decorate her room and I thought this rug would be the key to making those purple walls work.  Well, it didn't.  I still love the rug, but it didn't inspire me to decorate around it.  I still love the rug, I just don't know how it'll work with the new plans for her room. 

Ugh.  Too many decisions.  How much do interior decorators cost again??