Curtains!

In continuing with my recent home decor themed blog posts, I need your all's opinion.

I've found these curtains from Pier 1.  And I'm in love.

At first glance, they just look like a black and white printed curtain.  Until you actually get up close to them. 

The dots in the pattern are actually elephants!  I realize that this may be completely silly to some people....but to me, they're perfect.  They're so whimsical without being an "in your face" kind of funky.  You really don't even know these are elephants from far away.  I get it.  It's maybe not your thing.  But I'm all about unexpected fun touches in different places around the house to keep your decor fun (hello.  have you seen my cow painting over my faux mantle? elephant curtains make PERFECT sense for my house).

They're originally $29.95 for an 84" panel or $34.95 for a 96" at Pier 1.  But they're on sale right now for $23.95 and $27.95, respectively.  So I'm getting them.

 I'm just running into one little snag.  What height should I purchase?  If I were to get the 84", I would have to put the curtain rod right at the top of my window frame and the curtains wouldn't even reach all the way to the floor.  In fact, it would barely reach over the baseboard.

On the flip side, if I were to get the 96 inch panel, that's not even the length of my floor all the way up to my ceiling.  I could hang the rod almost to the ceiling line (which seems to be the "thing" right now), but then the fabric would puddle.  I don't like puddled curtains.

Or.  I could buy the 84 inch curtains, hang the rod to the ceiling, like as if I had 96 inch curtains, and then use heat and bond strips to attach a contrasting fabric strip to the bottom to add visual interest and height.

Help?

Pillows, Please.

If you can't tell from my last couple of posts, I'm obsessed with decorating my house and getting it to that "homey/comfy/I love living here" place that I want it to be.  I've told myself that I have to focus on one area at a time.  I can't get in the mindset to decorate everything at once because then I'll go crazy and be like "BUY ALL THE THINGS!" and then I'll bankrupt us on Pier One curtains and One Kings Lane knick knacks.  So.  One thing at a time.

Right now, since I've solved the entertainment center dilemma and turned the crates into a functional piece that I love, I've moved on......to throw pillows and curtains for my living room.

I showed you all in my post yesterday what I was lacking in each room.  In my living room, it's personality.  It feels to me like we just moved in and I haven't done anything to the room except slap down a rug around our existing furniture. So it's my goal to add some character.  First step, find some throw pillows and curtains.

Throw pillows

Can I just say something that I feel needs to be said first?  WHY ARE PILLOWS AND CURTAINS AND RUGS AND ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH HOME DECOR SO EXPENSIVE??!?!  $25 for a pillow.  Excuse me?  Rugs are $150 or more, or you're getting a piece of crap.  Lovely.  It's like the general market wants us all to have ugly houses or give up our first born if we want to have our houses look put together.  Harrumph.  I'm done now.

I'm a little bit stumped when it comes to throw pillows in my living room.  It's not like I can just pick three or four pillows that go together and slap them on my couch.  You see, I have a very, very patterned area rug.

I could totally pick out a color in the rug, buy two throw pillows in that color and call it a day.  But I don't want to do that.  I want to be able to mix patterns like a boss.  So far, I'm not very good at it.  I'm learning....slowly.

The other issue with this rug is that all the colors, other than the chocolate brown outline of the paisley swirls are all some funky looking colors.

The problem with funky colors, in my opinion, is that I can't just look at that, say "Oh.  That's coral." and go to Google to search "coral throw pillows" that will perfectly match this rug.  This is a problem.  And even if I did know the exact color, when you type "steel blue pillow" into Google, a million different shades of steel blue pops up.  Basically, I have a picture of my rug on my phone and when I see a pillow that I think might be one of these colors, I whip out the picture and hold it up to said pillow to see if they're a match.  Most of the time I'm wrong.

But I did find a few good options at Pier One last night.  Normally I don't even step foot in that store.  Mainly because I want everything in it and I don't have the fundage to support that want.  After striking out on throw pillows in other stores, I thought I might risk it.

While in the store, I played around with different pillow combinations (all while Avery yelled "WHY ARE WE LOOKING AT PILLOWS?!? MY BABY DOLL NEEDS TO PEE!").

So, I did find this pillow.

Pier One, $24.95.  Not bad.  I liked the orangey-rust-coraly color of the pattern.  Plus, it's a pattern, but it's subtle.  I did the "hold my iPhone picture up" test and it passed, I thought.  It was enough of a contrast from the pattern of the rug, but also had similar colors.  Plus, it was really freaking soft.  So I bought it. 

With this, I can go a couple of different directions, I think. 

I can get several pillows that are all in that specific shade of rust/burnt orange/clay

I like this option.  At least I know that all the pillows match.  But it's a little more monochromatic than I was wanting.  I really want to utilize the variety of colors in my rug.  But this is most definitely the "safe" option.  (clay colored solid pillow, $23.96, Pier One)

My favorite color in the rug is the little chartreuse/lime green swirls.  There's not very many of them, but I think they're so bold and colorful.  Ideally, I'd pick that to be one of the colors that I bring out into the pillows.  So the other night (you know, at 12:30 am when my stupid brain wouldn't shut off and let me sleep), I went on Etsy and searched "chartreuse throw pillows."  And this popped up.

$49.98, Etsy.  I want it.  I need it.  It's chartreuse.  It's whimsical.  It's Mary Poppins inspired.  I WANT it.  But it's $50.  That's a little too pricey in my book for a throw pillow.  Especially a cream colored throw pillow that little Avery hands will be all over.  But gosh, do I ever want it.

So, just for pretend, like I'm actually going to buy the pillow, let's see what we could do with it.

I LOVE times a million this combination of pillows.  It's so feminine.  I love the colors and the patterns and the way they all kind of flow from one to the other.  But this combination does not match my rug at. all.  *sniff* (grey, coral and chartreuse patterned pillow cover, $45, Etsy)

I think, to pull of this look with my rug, I need a solid color pillow to anchor the two patterns,  but how do I find a solid color that will compliment the clay color in the pillow on the left and the chartreuse and teal in the pillow on the right?  I can't.

It just doesn't work all together.  Goodbye, fun, beautiful pillow.  Maybe one day.

Here's an option that I'm kind of digging.  It's got the chocolate brown solid color, the patterned pillow I already bought and then a zigzag pattern that seems to have a lot of the colors I'm looking for:  chocolate brown, clay, cream, chartreuse.  The blue isn't the right blue, but I'm not really hung up on that I don't think.  This is definitely going in the "strong possibilities" category (chocolate brown pillow, $23.96, Pier One; zigzag pillow cover, $20, Etsy).

Or, I could mix the options together, just picking out two of the colors in the rug:  chocolate brown and clay/burnt orange (someone find a name for this color so I can stop calling it clay/burnt orange).

I'm kind of digging this too.  (Plaid pillow, $17, One Kings Lane)

Well.  I went into this blog post with the intention of talking about throw pillows AND curtains.  Now that I've bored you to death with every throw pillow out there, I think I'll stop now.

Until I find an actual combination I'm happy with, I guess the cheese stands alone:

Home Tour....sort of.

A request I get often is to see pictures of my home.  I'm not sure why....it's not like I'm a guest host on Property Brothers or anything.  My house is not something you'd see in HGTV Magazine, but I'm working on it.

This past weekend, I completely rearranged my entire living space.  I probably moved my club chairs 15 times, trying to find the exact place that I felt like I'd be happy with them.  I did the same with the area under our wall mounted TV.  I kid you not, I tried every single table option I had in my home before I finally decided on a piece of furniture that made me happy.  Before my rearranging party, I liked my living room....but it wasn't wowing me.  It wasn't anything that I'd look around and say "I love this room."  Now, I can say that about a couple of areas....but I still have a loooong way to go.

One of the biggest things I've had to learn as a homeowner is that my house isn't going to be exactly how I want it overnight.  I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating.  When Marty and I had our first house in Bardstown, I felt the need to have my house completely decorated all at once.  We registered for it all--clocks, tables, pillows, curtains.  Everything I thought I "needed" in a house, I registered for it.  As a result, I ended up with a lot of stuff.  Stuff that didn't necessarily fit my design style.  Instead of waiting until I found a piece I loved, I felt like I had to get it all RIGHT NOW.  Marty and I have now been married for 5 years and I can probably count on one hand the number of items around my house that I've kept from those early days of marriage.  If you're interested in decorating your house and making it into something that you're really happy with, figure out your style first.  For me, I love mixed patterns, pops of color mixed with neutral bases, antiques mixed with classic and clean styles.  I'm pretty eclectic.  I love an old suitcase, but I also love the clean lines and designs of everything from the Target Threshold brand.  And that's what I want my house to be.  Classic pieces, while inserting my character through fun statues and antiques.  I want it to be a combination of things that all look like they go together.  Once you figure out your style, then start in one room.  Find one piece that you really love and use that as inspiration to build the rest of your room around.  In my bedroom, my inspiration is this fabric bench.  In my living room, it's my rug.  When you have your inspiration piece, slowly build your room around it.  Get a couch that goes with the rug.  Then get pillows that pull out the colors in the rug.  Or buy the painting that you're obsessed with.  Then find pieces that compliment your painting and bring out the style and character of it.  Even if it takes you 5 years to fully decorate a room, the end result will be something that you are completely comfortable with.  It'll be 100% your home  (note: unless you have wayyy more money than me--which is a total possibility--and you can afford to completely decorate your room all at once.  if so, we should be friends.  want to go shopping, new friend??).

As an example, I'm going to show you pictures of my main living space as part of a little home tour (see??  ask and you shall receive.  i'm a giver.).  With each room, I'll give you a list of all the things I still have to/want to do or change in the room.  No room is perfect.  As soon as you build your room to the way you want it, your style may change and then it's time to start changing out pieces to reflect your new interests.  It's why I love interior design.  I blame/thank my mother.

Enough talking.  Pictures!

Dining Room

An old pair of shutters that used to frame my TV.  I plan to use this as a "command center" to hang reminders (Trash day is Wednesday....we forget almost every week) and pictures.

The top half of a hutch/dresser combo from Avery's room is now a table in the dining room.

Overall, I'm pretty happy with the way this room is looking.  List of things to change:  paint table legs, stencil the top of the table and bench, find new chairs--mixing wood and fabric printed chairs, change out chandelier, do something with the clock wall (gallery wall? add more clocks?)

Living Room

The TV table finally ended up being the dresser from Avery's bedroom.  Even though you can see the cable box and DVD player, I don't mind it so much when it's sitting on top of my red antique suitcase.

Now.  This living room still needs a lotttttt of work.  I see glimpses of good things:  my rug, the dresser, the chairs.  But it still feels too unfinished, too sparse to feel homey just yet.  I feel like I have the bones of a good room, it just needs more character.  List of things to do in this room:  find throw pillows for the couch, find side table for the couch, move the black cabinet out, get cute accessories for the table tops and dresser, do something to the awkward corner where the fake tree is now, possible frame the TV with a gallery wall of pictures, ADD CHARACTER.

Awkward mantle space

I love my cows.  Love them.  If it was socially acceptable, I'd buy more.  I think Marty would have a cow if I brought another cow print home.  But I'm a big fan.

I love the simplicity of my mantle.  Cow print and a few accessories.  What I'm not loving?  The blank space around the mantle.   Specifically, all the navy blue wall space.  And the gigantic amount of room in between the dining and living rooms.....

I'm not a fan of "white space."  It a flaw of mine when I paint...I always go one step too far in adding a background or a color.  So this blank space is kind of driving me insane.  It feels incomplete to me.  But what can you add without making the room feel insanely crowded with too many pieces of furniture or too much going on in one room?  Because, technically, even though I've defined it as two separate spaces, this is one big room.  List of things to do in this room:  make it look more complete (I'm stumped).

Front door

Awhile back, I posted about the different options I was considering for an entertainment center.  I thought I'd decided on the option that was a unit made entirely out of crates.  Through the weeks, I'd accumulated a good amount of crates for my project.  Then, I assembled the crates together underneath my TV....and I hated it.  It wasn't big enough to make a statement on the wall.  Hence, why you see the dresser under the TV.  But I still loved the idea of the crate bookshelf.  So I moved it over into this awkward little corner between our front door and our new kitchen bar.  I freaking love it here.  It's probably my most favorite thing in the entire room, no joke.  List of things to do here:  stain the crates a dark wood color, finish putting up the black frames around the wall hanger on the opposite wall, paint the front door (shhhh, Marty.  it will be okay.), finish arranging/decorating the items in the crates.

The Kitchen

I realized while writing this post, that I never showed you guys the actual 100% finished pictures of my kitchen.  Oops.  If you're wondering, here's the last update I gave you.  Here's the new pictures: 

Since I made an agreement with my husband that I wouldn't paint the cabinets (still pouting....), I did convince him to paint above the cabinets in the color that I'd picked for my lower cabinets.  I looooove it.  Love it so much.

Whew.  I didn't realize how cluttered my counters appear until looking at these pictures.  Beside the point.....since this is the room that we've spent the most money on, obviously, I'm not in any hurry to do any major things to this room.  I do have a few things I want to do in here though.  List of things:  get a fun pendant lap to replace the existing one, find bar stools, paint or replace the current pantry doors (they're very hard to close....if I do keep the doors, I want to replace the knobs and either paint it the same color as the wall above my cabinets or a chalkboard paint), and bring color into the room with a fun patterned rug and tea towels and valence curtain.  Maybe even paint a quote in the small space above the pantry, not sure yet.

And there you have it, people.  The big open room in my house, separated into multiple living areas.  Am I happy with it?  Mostly.  Am I willing to leave it this way?  Absolutely not.  

Do you have any suggestions for my house?  Bring 'em on!  It's always nice to have a second (and third...and fourth) set of eyes looking at something.  

I totally get that my home may not be your style.  You may be cringing with every single picture I posted (except the cow painting....how can you hate that??).  But I hope you're inspired enough to go find your own style and decorate your house the way you want! 

Dirty on the Cheek Minnie.

I saw this on Sunday in my kitchen floor.

I picked her up.  I saw the telltale signs of a well-loved friend.  Ground-in dirt on the back of her ears.  A flattened tail from much rubbing and chewing.  A faded dress.  A mark on the cheek.

This isn't just any Minnie Mouse doll.  This is "Dirty on the Cheek" Minnie.  I picked her up.....and I cried.

You see, I was home alone.  Avery and Marty were having some "daddy-daughter bonding time" while I put my house back in order from a weekend furniture rearranging party (more on that in another post).  Avery left the house....without her Minnie.

If you follow me on Facebook, you know that Avery is very rarely seen without Dirty on the Cheek Minnie.  She needs her for sleeping at night.  She needs her when she's upset or scared.  She told me once that "Minnie isn't real, Mom.  But she's my best friend.  She talks just to me."  If Avery went somewhere, Minnie was right there with her.  Once upon a time, Avery couldn't pee without Minnie sitting in her lap.

But lately, Minnie has been replaced.  By a baby doll.  It's not that this baby doll is new, either.  We've had her for awhile.  Avery has just recently "rediscovered" this baby, I guess.  Now baby is the one that goes everywhere Avery goes.  Sits in the floor while Avery goes potty.

And I don't know why this bothers me......but it does.  A lot.  

I'd be lying if I didn't say that a small part of it is because I had hoped my child would love Disney like I do.  With her Dora obsession though, I'd say I'm losing that battle.  But the bigger part of me sees as Avery's waning interest in Dirty on the Cheek Minnie as kind of symbolic that I'm losing my baby.

Minnie has been right by Avery's side since six months old.  And it was BFFs at first sight.

Look through any of my pictures of Avery and in 95% of them, Minnie's there.  She's been along for the ride for some pretty big moments.

(clockwise from top left:  At my cousin's wedding on her 1st birthday; getting her 1st haircut at Disney World; meeting Mickey and Minnie for the first time.)

Minnie's been on some big trips with us.

(cftl:  With Avery on her first plane ride; on her first car ride; in Aruba.)

In general, Minnie has always been a part of the picture.

There's been times in the past that Avery's found a new friend.  There was her fleeting obsession with Jake, Cubby, Izzy and Skully.  There was that week that she wanted her miniature Minnie all the time.  There was that very brief fling with Mike and Sulley.  But through all of those moments, Dirty on the Cheek Minnie has always been front and center.

But this last week, I've found myself saying things like "Avery, don't you want to go back and get your Minnie?"  and "Do you want to take Minnie in the store with us instead of Baby?"  I'm almost ashamed to admit that I've said things like "Well Avery, if you're not going to play with Minnie anymore, we're going to give her to someone that will love her and play with her."  

I'm actually shaming my child into playing with her Minnie again. 

It's just a stuffed animal.  I don't know why it bothers me this much. It shouldn't bother me this much. 

But it does.

I feel like the loss of Minnie means the loss of my baby-ish Avery.  Minnie has been such a huge part of Avery's baby and toddlerhood days.  Most of my memories of Avery include Minnie by her side.  Her growing out of Minnie makes me worried that she's growing out of being my baby.  Attitude is replacing that sweet snuggly baby that loved her Mama.  There are days that I look at my Avery and I wonder where my sweet girl has gone.  I have a moody toddler.  One that whines and cries and throws temper tantrums at the drop of a hat.  It's like I don't even know who she is anymore.  Where's my baby?   Where's the Avery that gets a tiny bit sleepy and wants her Minnie so she can mindlessly rub on her tail until she falls asleep?  Where's the Avery that grabs her Minnie and climbs up in my lap just to snuggle...instead of this almost-3 year old that wants nothing to do with me?

It's like she's grown tired of Minnie.  

What if she grows tired of me?

I tell myself I'm being ridiculous.  Just because she's grown tired of a toy doesn't mean that she's going to be the same way with me.  But Minnie has been a huge part of her life up until this point.  To me, Minnie symbolizes that baby Avery that loved being with me and was happy all the time. 

On Sunday, I saw Dirty on the Cheek Minnie sitting in my kitchen.  And I cried.

Obviously, I'm the one that's not ready to let go yet.

Invitations Undecided

It's now time for the 3rd edition of "Avery's Birthday Party: Mommy Stresses Over Invitations!"  Welcome back!

Avery, for like 6 months, talked incessantly about having a "Sheriff Callie" 3rd birthday party.  I Pinterested (can we just make that a verb, spell check?  I'm tired of seeing the red line under Pinterest.  Let's just recognize that I talk about Pinterest, Pinterest-ing and Pinterested....A LOT....and move on, please?), I pinned, I got excited.  And then Avery is suddenly very over Sheriff Callie and now wants a Doc McStuffins party.  Then a Jake and the Neverland Pirates party.  Which kind of threw me into a tizzy.  Who wants to go through planning a party down to the details, only for it to be changed a week later?  (Note:  I realize that party planning is not everyone's "thing."  It most definitely is mine.  I love every second of picking out the perfect decor, the themed menu, the outfit that Avery will wear.  I LOVE birthdays.  I love parties.  I love party planning.  So, if it's not your cup of tea and you don't understand why I obsess over what invitations I will send to our party guests, just skip these posts.  The rest of you that stay, thanks for indulging me. :) )

So, instead of planning something that might be changed in the very near future, my brilliant friend Sarah suggested that we just do a "Disney Jr." themed party.  DUH.  Incorporate all the characters that she so dearly loves into one party!  When I presented the idea to Avery, the child lost her mind.  

Avery: "YOU MEAN I DIT TO HAVE ALL OF THEM AT MY PARTY?!"
Me:  "Yes, Avery.  Won't that be fun?"
Avery:  "MOM! That'll be SO FUN.  My friends are dunna be so happy at my party!"
Me: "I hope so, buddy!"
Avery:  "I tan't believe dis.  Mickey and Jake and Sofia and Callie AND Doc all at my party?"
Me:  "Yes, Avery."
Avery: [runs away squealing]

So, I think we have a winner.  I'm themeing each section of the party to a specific character.  For example, food may be Jake themed.  The favors may be Callie themed.  The game may be Mickey themed.  I haven't lined up all the details, but I know each character will be given a specific place.

Jake themed hot dogs

Sofia themed cupcakes (via)

But I'm running into two problems:

1.  The invites.  I can't find any general "Disney Jr." invitation ideas.  Everything is very character specific.

2.  Avery's outfit.  How do I represent all 5 characters in a single outfit without it looking like a messy jumble?

I'm pretty darn creative, if I do say so myself.  But this one has me stumped.

Master Bedroom Inspiration

I realized this past weekend, something very important.

Not a single room is my house is decorated.  Here's my thing.  I know exactly what I like.  I can look at a magazine or watch an HGTV show and tell you exactly what features are "my style."  I can even go into someone else's home and mentally rearrange the furniture and picture other things hanging on the wall that I think would coordinate really well.  I can pick out paint colors and plan a room for someone else.  It's when I start thinking about my own house and how to decorate it, that I come up completely blank.   Maybe it's because it actually requires buying things and money for a room to look put together.  *sigh*

Yes, I have furniture.  I have things hung on the walls.  I have a rug in the living room that I love.  But not a single room in my house feels "put together" decorated.  Not one.

The closest thing I have to being fully decorated is probably our dining room area.  And that's going to be changing soon (more on that in another post)...

In my living room, I like the rug, the houndstooth chairs, the couch and the railroad crate side table.  Everything else is an afterthought.  I want a new entertainment center, art on the walls, a gallery wall.  I have big plans.  But more on that in another post too....

Because this post is about my Master Bedroom.  If there is one room in your house that you should feel is a retreat that is decorated exactly the way you want it, I really think it should be your bedroom.  Ours......not so much.  I would show you "before" pictures of my room...but I'm not sure you and I are that close yet.  It can only be described as a complete and total disaster right now.  Close your eyes and picture this:  a mismatched oversized chair in the corner.  Random things hung on the wall because I wasn't sure what to do with them.  Large pieces of dark wood furniture.  A very large dark wood four poster bed.  Clean clothes stacked in piles that need to be put away.  Dirty laundry in baskets throughout the room.  A large pile of art supplies that needs to be carried to my basement.  Got a mental picture?  Okay, let's just go with that....

I originally thought I wanted to go with a grey, yellow and mint color combination.  But the more I started trying to find decor to go in our room, the more uninspired I was feeling.  The combination almost felt nursery-ish.  Not something I wanted for my bedroom.  So, I'd decided to completely start over with our bedroom.  If that meant getting rid of the yellow and white bedspread I love so much, then so be it.  So I started looking around online for grey master bedrooms.  I found a lot of stuff that I really liked.

Like this coral, turquoise, mint and grey combination.

{via}

But nothing else was really inspiring me.   I just knew that I wanted colors and to be able to mix patterns really well (NOT one of my strong suits), where different pieces were all in the same room, but all looked like it went together.  I've been looking for things to help me decorate my bedroom and every time, I was coming up empty handed.

Then, I went shopping.  And I found this: 

It's dark grey, light grey, mint, yellow, cream, black, light blues, dark blues....and I'm in LOVE.

At first, I looked at it, looked at the price tag and it was a little more than what I wanted to spend.  I probably stood there, staring at this bench for a good 5 minutes and then decided to walk away.  As I was walking around the rest of the store, I kept thinking about that bench.  Even though I don't love chevron anymore (Chevron. Is. EVERYWHERE.  Over it.), the mix of the patterns between the chair and the bench gave me hope that I can actually mix patterns and make it look good.  So I wandered over to the throw pillow section.  And found two pillows on clearance and brought them back to the bench.

As soon as I laid the two pillows on top of the bench, I decided that I had to have it.  I was going to make it happen, one way or the other.  So I pulled out my lovely smartphone, got on my Retail Me Not app, prayed to the Heavens that there would be a coupon for the store I was in.....and there it was.  25% off one single, regular priced item.  Needless to say, I ran and got a cart and promptly brought the entire combination--pillows and all--home with me.

I'll be honest, I was little nervous that the bench wasn't going to work with anything in my existing room, other that the paint on the walls.  I was prepared to start completely over for the sake of having a room I loved, but having things that I could use and not have to buy new would be awesome.  

When I got home, and I found a ton of things in my existing room that already work with this bench.  Including my bedspread!

Black and white chair--TJ Maxx, bought FOREVER ago.  Like 5 years, old
Silver 1 & 2 boxes--Room Service, new
Bench--Gordman's, new
Tray--Gordman's, new
Letters--Kirklands, old
Bedspread--TJ Maxx, old
Frame--from our wedding, old
Window panes---random yard sales, old

I have so many things that are already in my room that work within this color scheme.  Not only that, I think the mix of the greens and blues and whites are extremely calming.  I can work black and white in too.  This is a win-win-win-win situation.

I need to find a rug and curtains and decide what's going on the walls and paint the existing furniture black.  I want to give the bed back to my parents and find something a little more unique and not so gigantic in our room (not a fan of four poster beds....too obstructive for my tastes).  Shew.  I've got a lot of work to do.  Any volunteers?

Reinforcement needed.

Tell me I'm not the only mom who feels the need to apologize to everyone that my toddler comes in contact with because, on any given occasion, said toddler can be completely rude to anyone that tries to talk to her. It doesn't matter if it's a stranger or family, I feel like I'm constantly apologizing. "I'm sorry she won't talk to you, friend of mine. She's grumpy."  "I'm sorry she just grunted at you, Meemaw. She loves you. She's just almost three and can be kind of a rude right now." "I'm sorry dad. I know she's your granddaughter. I wish I could explain why she doesn't want to spend time with you. But I can't. I don't know why she's acting like that. I'm sorry."

Tell me I'm not the only mom that goes to bed every single night and tells myself that I'm going to do better tomorrow. That I'm not going to yell. I'm not going to lose my patience.  I'm going to play with her and do fun projects. And then I wake up the next morning and my daughter throws her shoes across the room because they're purple instead of pink and tells me she doesn't love me and throws herself into the floor and refuses to move and we're ten minutes late for the day and I lose my patience. And I yell. And it starts all over again before 8:15 am. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that does actually tell herself that her tactics aren't succeeding.  So I do make a conscious effort to not yell, to be patient, to play more, to let it go when she wants her second cup of strawberry milk instead of insisting she drink water. And you do a good job of being a "better mom" for a solid week. And during that entire week, your kid treats you like total crap. She tells you things like "I don't want you to pick me, mom!" "I don't love you!" "I only want my daddy!!" So you feel completely defeated. Like you absolutely cannot win no matter what you do. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that legitimately wonders if her kid loves her. Or even likes her at this point. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that wants just a day off to gather her sanity so she doesn't have a total mental breakdown. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that is scared to death that my kid is going to turn out to be a brat. That she truly is going to be a kid where the disciplining tactics just do not sink in and I'm forever raising a brat that demands every single thing to be her way, even though I've spent most waking moments with her insisting that she is not going to get her way by demanding anything. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that kind of dreads some days because I'm nervous about how the interactions with my almost 3 year old are going to go. (Note: I'm not scared of my child. I am not scared to tell her no in the least. I am scared of having every single day of my waking life being a fight with my kid.)

Tell me I'm not the only mom that looks other moms and their toddlers and wonder what on earth she could be doing differently and why her child is so well behaved and why yours isn't. 

Tell me that I'm not the only mom that feels like a total failure. That no matter what you do, what you say, how many times people say "it's just a phase," you feel like you're failing at absolutely every single aspect of motherhood. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom who feels this way.