Jun 4, 2012

No pictures, please.

When do I start feeling good about myself again?  When do I stop looking at pictures and thinking "My gosh.  I am a fat, pasty white cow."?  I have struggled with low self-esteem my entire life. I'm constantly worried about looking stupid or if my chin is too big or if people like me.  I've never had much confidence in myself.  But nothing compares to how I feel now...ten pounds heavier than I should be and carrying the battle scars of pregnancy.  Don't get me wrong, having my sweet Avery is more than worth the extra weight I'm carrying or a couple of stretch marks.  I'm not asking for a flat tummy or killer boobs.  I just want to feel good about myself.  I don't want to dread taking pictures with my family because I'm worried about how I'll look in them.  Something is wrong when I look at a family photo and, instead of focusing on my adorable daughter or my smoking hot husband,  all I can see is my double chin and how my clothes cling to my stomach.  When does it end?  When do I start feeling on the outside like I do on the inside? Motherhood is the most amazing, most empowering thing I've ever done in my life.  I've never felt more beautiful as a woman than I do when I'm caring for my little girl.  So when does that start to show on the outside too?  I guess I've done it to myself.  I have zero motivation to workout after being at work and going through my daily routine.  I know I don't always eat as healthy as I should.  I guess instead of complaining, I should be jumping on the treadmill or doing laps in my parent's pool.  If I want to look good, I have to work for it...and it won't come easy.  But until I get that "hot body," I would just like to feel good about myself in the meantime.


Sarah Beth said...

I think your are beautiful =)

Devan Gaddie said...

Thanks. :)

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