Jun 1, 2014

Reinforcement needed.

Tell me I'm not the only mom who feels the need to apologize to everyone that my toddler comes in contact with because, on any given occasion, said toddler can be completely rude to anyone that tries to talk to her. It doesn't matter if it's a stranger or family, I feel like I'm constantly apologizing. "I'm sorry she won't talk to you, friend of mine. She's grumpy."  "I'm sorry she just grunted at you, Meemaw. She loves you. She's just almost three and can be kind of a rude right now." "I'm sorry dad. I know she's your granddaughter. I wish I could explain why she doesn't want to spend time with you. But I can't. I don't know why she's acting like that. I'm sorry."

Tell me I'm not the only mom that goes to bed every single night and tells myself that I'm going to do better tomorrow. That I'm not going to yell. I'm not going to lose my patience.  I'm going to play with her and do fun projects. And then I wake up the next morning and my daughter throws her shoes across the room because they're purple instead of pink and tells me she doesn't love me and throws herself into the floor and refuses to move and we're ten minutes late for the day and I lose my patience. And I yell. And it starts all over again before 8:15 am. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that does actually tell herself that her tactics aren't succeeding.  So I do make a conscious effort to not yell, to be patient, to play more, to let it go when she wants her second cup of strawberry milk instead of insisting she drink water. And you do a good job of being a "better mom" for a solid week. And during that entire week, your kid treats you like total crap. She tells you things like "I don't want you to pick me, mom!" "I don't love you!" "I only want my daddy!!" So you feel completely defeated. Like you absolutely cannot win no matter what you do. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that legitimately wonders if her kid loves her. Or even likes her at this point. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that wants just a day off to gather her sanity so she doesn't have a total mental breakdown. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that is scared to death that my kid is going to turn out to be a brat. That she truly is going to be a kid where the disciplining tactics just do not sink in and I'm forever raising a brat that demands every single thing to be her way, even though I've spent most waking moments with her insisting that she is not going to get her way by demanding anything. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that kind of dreads some days because I'm nervous about how the interactions with my almost 3 year old are going to go. (Note: I'm not scared of my child. I am not scared to tell her no in the least. I am scared of having every single day of my waking life being a fight with my kid.)

Tell me I'm not the only mom that looks other moms and their toddlers and wonder what on earth she could be doing differently and why her child is so well behaved and why yours isn't. 

Tell me that I'm not the only mom that feels like a total failure. That no matter what you do, what you say, how many times people say "it's just a phase," you feel like you're failing at absolutely every single aspect of motherhood. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom who feels this way. 


Kristi said...

Aw, you are not alone. My two year old Avery is a bundle of personality, but definitely in the terrible twos. My first was an angel at two and woah, were threes bad! Watch out! She told her grandfather whom she loves so dearly and sees several times a week to go home last weekend and that he couldn't go on vacation with us because he wasn't part of our family. She can be the sweetest little angel ever, but can turn on you in an instant. And heaven forbid you ask her to clean up, you are the meanest person in the world. And she always picks out her own clothes and always wants something that is in the laundry! Gotta love her! It is all a stage and I think there is something difficult about each stage. You are trying to be better and obviously love her, so I say good job and hang in there! Just didn't want you to think you were alone!

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