Reinforcement needed.

Tell me I'm not the only mom who feels the need to apologize to everyone that my toddler comes in contact with because, on any given occasion, said toddler can be completely rude to anyone that tries to talk to her. It doesn't matter if it's a stranger or family, I feel like I'm constantly apologizing. "I'm sorry she won't talk to you, friend of mine. She's grumpy."  "I'm sorry she just grunted at you, Meemaw. She loves you. She's just almost three and can be kind of a rude right now." "I'm sorry dad. I know she's your granddaughter. I wish I could explain why she doesn't want to spend time with you. But I can't. I don't know why she's acting like that. I'm sorry."

Tell me I'm not the only mom that goes to bed every single night and tells myself that I'm going to do better tomorrow. That I'm not going to yell. I'm not going to lose my patience.  I'm going to play with her and do fun projects. And then I wake up the next morning and my daughter throws her shoes across the room because they're purple instead of pink and tells me she doesn't love me and throws herself into the floor and refuses to move and we're ten minutes late for the day and I lose my patience. And I yell. And it starts all over again before 8:15 am. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that does actually tell herself that her tactics aren't succeeding.  So I do make a conscious effort to not yell, to be patient, to play more, to let it go when she wants her second cup of strawberry milk instead of insisting she drink water. And you do a good job of being a "better mom" for a solid week. And during that entire week, your kid treats you like total crap. She tells you things like "I don't want you to pick me, mom!" "I don't love you!" "I only want my daddy!!" So you feel completely defeated. Like you absolutely cannot win no matter what you do. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that legitimately wonders if her kid loves her. Or even likes her at this point. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that wants just a day off to gather her sanity so she doesn't have a total mental breakdown. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that is scared to death that my kid is going to turn out to be a brat. That she truly is going to be a kid where the disciplining tactics just do not sink in and I'm forever raising a brat that demands every single thing to be her way, even though I've spent most waking moments with her insisting that she is not going to get her way by demanding anything. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom that kind of dreads some days because I'm nervous about how the interactions with my almost 3 year old are going to go. (Note: I'm not scared of my child. I am not scared to tell her no in the least. I am scared of having every single day of my waking life being a fight with my kid.)

Tell me I'm not the only mom that looks other moms and their toddlers and wonder what on earth she could be doing differently and why her child is so well behaved and why yours isn't. 

Tell me that I'm not the only mom that feels like a total failure. That no matter what you do, what you say, how many times people say "it's just a phase," you feel like you're failing at absolutely every single aspect of motherhood. 

Tell me I'm not the only mom who feels this way. 

Life with a Toddler. Unedited.

Here are some random thoughts I have on raising a toddler.  They're random because a.) I'm sick, hopped up on allergy meds and throat drops, b.)  I'm raising a toddler.  All cohesive thoughts and rational thinking have gone out the window.  A long, long time ago.

Taking pictures in a clean home is near impossible.  My standards of a clean home pre-toddler and post-toddler are two entirely different things.  Pre-toddler, I would wince if I saw a full sink of dirty dishes in my otherwise clean home.  Avery's toys were neatly put away every night and were only brought out when I decided it was time to play.  Post-toddler, I'm happy if I have half the kitchen table cleared off (and by "cleared off," I obviously mean "pushed over in a bigger pile on the other side") so we can have dinner at the table together (and by "dinner," I obviously mean "grilled cheeses or cereal that required little effort because my toddler has me completely drained of all energy and I have no idea how to even work the oven anymore.").  Post-toddler, I'm happy if one room out of our entire house is picked up.  The rest? Well, I'll get to it another day.  Once upon a time, if my child was doing something cute, I could take a picture of her and not worry about the pile of laundry that's sitting behind her because.....*gasp* there wasn't any dirty laundry lying around.  Now, screw it.  I'm taking that picture, mountain of laundry and dust bunnies in the background be darned.  This is me in all my dirty imperfection.  Love me....or don't.  The dirty socks will be there, regardless.

Peeing and going to the grocery alone are luxuries.  I don't know how my child does it.  I think she has a little alarm embedded into her brain that goes off as soon as I step foot in the bathroom.  Avery could be on the other side of the house, in her playroom, playing happily with her Little People and the second I tiptoe into the bathroom, there she is.  Standing at my side declaring "I go potty too, Mommy!"  No.  You don't have to pee.  We both know this.  You're going to come in the bathroom, stare at me as I go to the bathroom, ask a million questions and then declare "My pee pee changed its mind" when I ask if you're going to use the potty too.  You just can't stand the idea of me peeing in solitude.

And do I even need to express the gloriousness that is grocery shopping alone?  I recently read a blog about "how not to raise a brat" (because, well, I'm afraid we're teetering dangerously close over that brat ledge and I search Google to help me feel like a better mom and not a complete failure) and this blogger, Divine Caroline, boasted that her two daughters not once ever threw a fit in public for something they wanted. Well, how wonderful for you, Divine Caroline.  You're either 1.) lying or 2.) raising the most perfect human beings that will grow up to be the next Mother Teresa and Gandhi of their generations.  My child, on the other hand, is the one that's throwing a fit for Mickey Mouse duct tape that I'm not buying for her because it's freaking duct tape.  I would rather grocery shop at 2 am, sans toddler, than take one more trip down the snack aisle with my kid begging for every single box of Disney character fruit chews manufactured.  I just can't.

As a parent of a toddler, you feel like everyone is judging you.  Let's be honest.  Most people probably are, in fact, judging you.  Like that woman in the vehicle next to yours in the grocery store parking lot, witnessing your kid's meltdown because you dared to take her out of the shopping cart and put her in her own carseat.  Yes, she probably is giving you the "get that kid under control" look.  Just let it go.  That woman probably doesn't know what it's like to try to get that toddler into her carseat (in case you're wondering?  It's like wrestling a bag of writhing snakes on speed) and buckled into the 10 safety harnesses while trying not to pinch her delicate skin while she thrashes around.  For some reason, the toddler has decided that the grimy Walmart shopping cart in the parking lot under the scorching sun is a better place to be than in the car where there's toys and air conditioning and Sofia the First tunes blaring.  Because that makes perfect sense.  Toddler logic.  My point is, those people giving you the look of death in the store while you're trying to weather a temper tantrum of epic proportions probably have no idea what life is like with a toddler (God bless their naive souls.  You were that blissful once).  Give them your best smile and roll on.  They'll either feel sorry for you or think you're crazy.  Either way, they'll leave you alone.

If it's family you feel are doing the judging, grin and bear it, friend.  They're family.  They have an opinion on everything.  Whether it's right or wrong, they're in your life forever and there's no point in lashing out at them because they think you handled a situation wrong.  Trust me from experience on this one.  Unless it's your mom.  Then take that opportunity to ask her for advice on how to handle your demon child wonderful blessing.  I'm sure her advice is plentiful.  Soak it up, young padawan.  After all, you were a toddler once and she managed not to kill you or run away from home. In my book, she's a wildly successful parent if she managed these two things.

Meltdowns are going to happen.  Frequently.  Over everything from the color of her socks to the plate her sandwich is sitting on for lunch (How DARE you serve her pb&j on a Minnie Mouse plate.  Didn't you know that she was feeling like dining on Frozen tableware today?  Fool).  Hang in there, mom.  No matter how many articles you read or "experts" on the subject state otherwise, there is no magic answer when it comes to raising a toddler.  There may be tips on how to handle meltdowns or what to do when they happen, but remember.  Not every trick works on every child.  Time outs work for some, taking privileges away works for others.  Or you can be Avery and nothing--not time out, not taking things away, not pleading, not acting mad/sad/disappointed--works and you just pray to God that ONE DAY, all your hard work and disciplining will pay off and you'll wake up and the sun will be shining and angels will be singing and you'll go an entire day without fighting with your kid because she finally just gets it.  Lord, didn't mean to go on that tangent.  Pray for me.

Those pre-toddler dreams you had of having the best dressed child around?  Kiss 'em goodbye.  On any given day, my child's outfit can range from "hobo" to "Princess" to "pink explosion."  It just depends on her mood.  Recently, I let my child pick out her entire outfit.  The bow, down to the shoes, were all varying shades of pink--including the tutu she insisted was necessary to complete the ensemble.  This is all because the subject of "what Avery wears" falls firmly in the "fights that I'm not about to get into" category.  Picking your battles is an essential part of toddler motherhood and this is a battle I'm not willing to wage.  Thank you for all your adorable emails full of smocks and seersucker pants, Lolly Wolly Doodle.  I'm currently taking Avery to Walmart in socks and sandals and a neon glitter shirt featuring Dora the Explorer riding a unicorn and just hope people don't stare.

Toddlers don't have a filter.  Embarrassment results.  I wish I could tell you how many times I've walked into a crowded bathroom with my kid, locked the stall door, only to hear her declare loudly, "ARE YOU GOING TO GO POO POO MOMMY??"  Bless.  I'll be so happy when the "Just because I'm thinking it doesn't mean I should say it" ability is developed so we can actually go out in public again.   When does that happen?  Age 10?

Toddler moms, you're doing a good job.  Yes, you, mom that yells too much (guilty).  Yes, you, mom that just bribed her kid with bubbles if he ate two bites of broccoli off his plate.  Yes, you, mom that's sitting in a blubbering mess her bathroom floor with a full glass of "Purple Toad Black and Bruised" wine because you're convinced you're doing this whole "raising a baby into a respectable human being" thing all wrong.  You're doing a good job.  No, you may not have all the answers.  And if you do, please take an afternoon and visit my home to give me tips.  Yes, you may be having thoughts of just running away for awhile.  No, you may not be making Pinterest worthy dinners or have a child that is dressed like she just stepped out of a Lily Pultizer magazine.  You're doing a good job.  One day, in the near future, we'll emerge on the other side of this toddler motherhood thing.  We may be forever altered when we do, but we'll make it.  One day, our children will thank us.  It may not be until they're 28 with toddlers of their own, but they'll appreciate the effort and embarrassment and hours of abuse we endured.  One day, we'll have well behaved human beings that benefited from our parenting and we'll look back on this chapter of our lives with fondness and recall how adorable our children were when they were young.  I hope.

Prayer for Patience.

This morning was a rough one for Avery and I.  The past week has been a horrible display of 2 year old attitude, temper tantrums and pushing every boundary she could.  It's been an amazing test of my patience and my limit as a mother.

This morning, though, it all came to a head.

Avery woke up early and, as a result, fell back asleep before I was ready to dress her and get her ready for school.  When I went to wake her, it was obvious that she was not waking up in a good mood.  It was a barrage of screamed "NO!"s, "I want my daddy!!!"s and "YEAVE ME A-YONE!"s.  Normally, I can calm her down.  I can talk to her in a soothing voice and help her realize that she's not being a good girl.  She has her few minutes of crying and then she's calm.  Not this morning.

This morning, I could do no right.

She didn't want to take her pajamas off and wear real clothes.  She wanted to wear her Dora slippers to school.  She didn't want me to dress her--she only wanted her daddy.  She didn't want me to fix her hair, put her scarf on, help her with her jacket.  She didn't want me to get her Minnie out of bed or touch her new baby doll.  She didn't want me to carry her to the car.

This morning was HORRIBLE.

Normally, on the way to school, Avery and I talk the whole way.  We sing along with Dora.  I laugh when she declares that the "baby sun is too bwight" for her eyes and very diva-ishly puts on her pink Dora sunglasses.  We talk about school and who she's going to see.  She asks me about the cars and buildings we pass by and I listen in wonder when she tells me "Dat's a bank.  Dat's where dey keep all tha monies."

This morning, we sat in silence.

In the silence of my car, I fought with myself.  Is this worth it?  Is it worth getting on her when she acts like this?  Is it worth listening to the screams and fighting with her because I just want her to be well-behaved and polite?

I'm tired.  I'm so tired of being the disciplinarian.  For once, I'd like to be the one that steps back and doesn't have to do the ugly job of disciplining.  I'm tired of fighting with my two year old.

I second-guess myself.  Am I doing the right thing?  Am I getting on to her too much?  Should I just be letting all of this go and not worry about if she wants to wear the same Dora shirt for the 4th day in a row?  Or am I not getting on her enough and that's why she's acting out like this?

This morning, I felt like a total and complete failure as a mother.

I see friends on Facebook talk about their polite, well-behaved children.  Don't get me wrong, my child is polite.  When she does something wrong (most of the time), she knows it and she apologizes on her own.  She says please and thank you without me reminding her.  She's mostly well-behaved.  She's great in town and on shopping trips and people tell me all the time what a good girl she is.  But lately, there have been more and more instances when she's been sullen to family members.  Growling at them whenever they say hello.  Refusing to go talk to people.  Grunting when people attempt to talk to her.  And these are the situations in which I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

This morning, I felt defeated.

Motherhood is the hardest job I have EVER held, by far.  And this morning, I was waving the white flag. Tears ran down her face and I fought back my own.  I hate fighting with her.  Yes, she's the daughter and I'm the mom and being my child's best friend is not my number one priority in life.  But that doesn't mean that I enjoy disciplining her.  I hate it, in fact.  I hate putting my child in the corner.  I hate making her apologize to someone when she's in the wrong.  I hate making her pick up her toys, while she fights me with every step.  I hate, hate, hate when she looks up at me, eyes full of tears, like I've completely broken her heart.  I don't want to be the bad guy.  I would love to be Fun Mommy, 24/7.  I would love to play with her and let her make messes and never clean them up.  I would love it if I never had to get on her for the rest of our days.  But I know that if I want to be a good mom and raise a well-behaved child, that's completely unrealistic.

I'm like any other mother out there with a toddler.  Trying hard and constantly feeling like I'm coming up short.  If I have another morning (or afternoon, or night) like this one....and I'm sure there will be many more to come....I'll recite this prayer instead.

And this isn't just for me.  This is for you, too.  You, mother of two, with a quick swipe of eyeliner applied in a hurry in an attempt to look even halfway presentable in public.  You, mother of a daughter that is the spitting image of yourself, crying for those pink sparkle shoes in Walmart, when you really just want to get your jug of milk and loaf of bread and leave. You, mother with Cheerios in your hair, rewinding that same episode of Paw Patrol for the 5th time that day, because it'll buy you another 30 minutes of peace.  You're just like me.  You're trying hard.  You're burning dinner and forgetting that load of laundry that's been in the washing machine for 48 hours.  You're stepping on building blocks in the dark and picking up bath toys every morning so you can take a shower.  I feel for you.  I'm here.  I understand.  And we can say this prayer together.

Lord, I love my child with all my heart, 

but she's testing my patience today. 

Her shoes aren't right, her pants aren't pink,

she's screaming just to get her way.

Moments like this, I want to quit,

I think I'm failing at every attempt.

At 9 months pregnant, I thought I'd be perfect, 

Motherhood is not all that I had dreamt. 

I thought it'd be easy, I'd have all the answers,

I'd know exactly what to do. 

Instead, I stumble, I fall short daily, 

which is why I'm calling out toYou.  

Help me to remember that I have a Father

in whose footsteps I should walk. 

Give me Your heart, for patience, 

in my actions and how I should talk. 

I need a reminder in times like these
to think and act patiently.
Help me love her, despite the flaws,
just like You do with me.

I'm Lost.

I don't have a single clue what I'm doing.

I have a two year old in my house. And, up until about three weeks ago, I felt pretty confident in my parenting skills. No, I didn't have all the answers and I didn't feel like I was doing everything exactly right, but I felt like the steps I was taking was going to lead down a path that ends with a well-behaved child. 

That's all gone. Any confidience I once had in myself and my parenting abilities have flown right out the window. 

This past week has been, BY FAR, the most challenging I have ever had since Avery has been born. In the past week, it's been non-stop moodiness, whining, crying, indecisiveness and pooping in her pants. The last one frustrates me the most. Avery was potty trained before she was two. Something I'm pretty proud of. And it didn't take too much effort on my part. Avery basically decided, by waking up dry for a solid week, that she was ready to be potty trained. And we haven't looked back. Yes, we had a few accidents in the beginning, but it's been a very long time since she's had one. So this recent string of running to me (two out of the three days, she had just been on the potty not 10 minutes prior to the "incidents"), telling me that she'd pooped her pants is completely mind boggling to me. 

Now, I'm not stupid. I know she's two. And accidents are to be expected because she's been potty trained for far less than a year. But three days in a row of the same behavior that we haven't had a problem with before? I don't get it. 

Then there's the moodiness. I thought we weren't going to have to deal with that until she was well into the pre-teen years. But, lo and behold, I have a two year old that just cannot be satisfied. We eat dinner, she cries because we gave her a blue bowl instead of the dirty Minnie Mouse one that's sitting in the sink, waiting to be washed. I get her ready for school and let her pick out 90% of her outfit, she cries because she doesn't like the pants I'm putting on her. Most evenings are more of the same--wants me to hold her, then cries because she's not sitting in her Princess chair. Wants me to give her Dora fruit chews, then cries when I hand her an open bag of them. I. Don't. Get it. 

Again, I know she's two. I know she's going to be testing her limits and seeing what she can get away with and displaying her newfound toddler attitude. But this whining and displeasure with every single thing? Baffles me. And makes me feel like a total failure. 

Is it something I'm doing wrong? Do I discipline her too much? Should I be taking away things instead of putting her in time out? Am I disciplining wrong and that's what is causing the outbursts and all out refusal to listen to anything I tell her? I've always been pretty confidient in my role as a mom. I knew when I was being hard on Avery, but felt confidient that I was doing it for the right reasons and to make her into a well-behaved child. Now, I feel like the insecure child, afraid to make any move concerning my child out of fear that it will be the wrong thing. 

I know there's no "right" answer. I know there's no handbook on how kids are supposed to act at this age and how I'm supposed to handle it when they do. Every child is different. While one child responds to time outs, the other does better with the silent treatment. I know there's no magic remedy to get me through the toddler years without the terrible twos and threes. I just wish I could feel confident that I'm doing the right things and I'm going to be rewarded with a fairly well behaved and respectable child down the road. Anyone have a crystal ball I can borrow??

Four Letter Word.

I'm so nervous to say this.

But I think a confession is the best thing for everyone involved. 

I think I have a........*whispered voice* a b-r-a-t on my hands.

Ugh. That hurts to even say it. As a momma, I think my baby is the world's most precious human being.  But the last three weeks, that human being has become scarily close to being unbearable to live with. Yesterday, I kid you not, she stood in our kitchen and screamed and cried until she was on the verge of making herself throw up. Why, you ask?   Because I gave her an orange spoon to eat her cereal with....instead of a purple one. Swear.  An. Orange. Spoon. Made her gag and cry for a solid ten minutes. I couldn't make this stuff up, y'all. 

Most evenings are more of the same. Throwing her Minnie Mouse down in the floor because I won't let her watch a third episode of Bubble Guppies. Sticking her lip out farther than I thought was humanly possible because I won't let her have a Popsicle for dinner. And let's talk for a second about bedtime. My almost-27 month old STILL does not sleep consistently through the night. We will go three nights without a single peep from her from 9pm to 7am. Then we'll have an entire week where I'm getting up with her twice a night. Avery used to be the best baby to put down for sleep at night. We had our routine. She'd watch some TV, snuggle with her daddy and I, and then go straight to bed without a complaint. Now? She's decided that she's too big for bedtime and that she should be able to decide when she goes to sleep. Right this very second, I'm listening to my kid scream over the monitor about the very injustice of being in bed since 9:30.  (Update: I went into her room and told her who was boss and that I didn't want to hear another sound. She's sleeping. *Fist thrust into the air for a mommy victory!*)

I'm losing my sanity, people. I'm so tired of repeating myself a million and one times every time I have to tell her something ("Avery, sit down in your chair. Avery, sit down in your booster chair before you fall out. Avery, sit down right now. Avery, I am NOT going to tell you again. Do you want to get in trouble? Sit down in your chair NOW.") I honestly feel like the biggest chunk of my time with my daughter is spent disciplining her. I sit her in time out. I try reasoning with her and telling her that people don't like it when she's a bad girl (Yes, I hear you laughing. No, that crap didn't work.).  I try taking things away, hoping that she'll correct her behavior if she's not getting whatever she wants. I've tried ignoring her (that makes her cry louder...it's really terrible for everyone involved). Honestly, I'm sick and daggone tired of being the bad cop. Really, who decided that the mom is the one that has to lay down the rules and then enforce them while the daddy gets to swoop in and save the day and be the plaything?  Was it Eve? Because really, Eve. Thanks so much for childbirth. Don't we have more than enough bones to pick with you already? 

Everyone tells me that this behavior is normal. That she'll grow out of it. That three is worse than two and then she'll grow out of it (Dear Lord, if that's the case, just go ahead and bury me now because I will not live through another year of this). There has to be a way that I can nip this in the bud. I don't want a bratty child. I don't want to be *that* mom in every store who is mortified every time she makes the decision to bring her kid in public. I don't want other people to dislike being around Avery because she's too much of a brat.  I want to be a strict mom that has a child that realizes that she's not going to take any crap, but at the same time, can be fun to be around.  I want to get to be the good cop sometimes. Am I being too Pollyanna-ish?  Help. Me.  Really. I'm on the verge of chewing Prozac like candy. 

Preach It.

This is going to be less of a blog post and more of a "go read this other blog post right now because it's fantastic."

Go read this.  "Dear parents, you need to control your kids.  Sincerely, non-parents."

I cannot say anything better than what he said here.  Sadly, I think I used to be one of those people.  Who rolled her eyes and thought "Why can't that lady get her kid under control?" or "I don't see why she doesn't just step outside until her kid stops screaming." Boy have the tables turned.  I've been that lady in the grocery with her kid that is just FREAKING OUT because I didn't let her get the giant box of fruit chews.  And he's totally right.  As idealistic as it sounds for everyone else around you, you can't leave your entire cart full of groceries that your family needs for the next two weeks just sitting in the aisle so you can get your toddler under control.

He didn't mention it in his blog, but I'll mention it here.  It's not just non-parents either.  Admit it.  You've been in the grocery with your own child and witnessed another mom with a toddler mid-epic meltdown.  You've felt sorry for her, but you've also silently judged "Thank goodness my kid doesn't act THAT bad."  
Parents, non-parents, let's knock it off.  The mom in the grocery or in church or in the waiting room is trying her best.  She doesn't want her kid to be screaming any more than you do.  Cut her some slack.

Plane Preparations

Next week, we're embarking on our very first plane ride with Avery.  And not a short plane ride, let me tell you.  Our first flight (which happens to be at 6 in the morning), is three hours long.  Our second flight is over five hours.  And this momma is nervous as heck about it. 

My toddler has an attention span that's less than a fourth of a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode (for you non-toddler moms, that's like 5 minutes long).  That's a looooooong time to have to entertain, console and keep quiet one very active toddler.

I plan on implementing several different tactics to make this plane flight easier....new coloring books and crayons, suckers for take-off, new movies that I'm planning to rent on the iPad.  None of which I can guarantee are going to work.  All I can do is pray that she stays fairly calm and that we're blessed with understanding and patient plane friends.

I can plan activities and distractions all day long, but honestly, the thing that keeps my kid quiet more than anything:  food.  It's our go-to strategy when we have to take her anywhere that she has to be quiet for an extended period of time.  Going to church?  Pack a giant bag of cereal.  Going to a wedding?  Throw multiple bags of fruit chews in my purse.  So why wouldn't this work on a plane?

I knew I was going to have to be more organized than just throwing a couple of packets of fruit chews and some Cheerios in a Ziploc bag.  To Walmart I went! 

I found these, which I found completely awesome:

Lunchables Jr., or basically Toddler Lunchables.  Each contains three different snacks in one container.  I started to grab them, but at almost $2 apiece, I really thought I could do better.  So I started getting creative to make my own Toddler Lunchables.

Since we're going to be on these flights for both breakfast and lunch, I made a breakfast, lunch and snack lunchable of my own.

I first headed over to the Tupperware container/lunch container section.  I picked up some double divided containers for $2.88.

Breakfast:

In one container, I packed "breakfast-y" type items.  PopTarts, fruit chews, dried apples, dried cranberries and fruit loops.  Obviously I know that my kid isn't going to eat all this by herself for one meal.  I'm over-preparing.  If she doesn't feel like PopTarts that morning, there's fruit.  If she doesn't want fruit, there's cereal.  Better to be prepared than have a screaming kid.

Lunch:



Lunch items include:  Uncrustable pb&j sandwiches, fruit chews, Teddy Grahams, Jif To Go packs and Ritz Bits.

Snacks:



Snack items:  Dried cranberries, goldfish, Pringles Stix, dried apples, Teddy Grahams and Jif To Go.

Can I get a shout out from all the moms that LOVE these things??  Technically, it's baby food in a pouch.  But my two year old still loves these things.  So, for 88 cents apiece, we still pick them out.





So, that's my food plan.  Wish us luck!! 

Terrible Twos or Bratty Kid?

I've had a magic trick happen in my home.  One day, I had a happy baby that laughed often, snuggled with mommy and daddy, willingly gave kisses and hugs and was polite.  Then *poof*!  I wake up the next morning to a whiny, clingy, demanding little 17 month old.  Could this honestly be the dreaded "Terrible Twos" already?!?

What's happened to my sweet baby girl?  We are deep in the throes of Temper Tantrum Land.  Squealing or growling or just plain "pitching a fit" when she doesn't get her way.  Perfect example:  last night, we were driving home in my car.  Avery wanted to listen to her Mickey Mouse CD (isn't it funny how you know what they want without using any words?).  After a little while of listening, she was still grunting and growling at me, so I turned Mickey off.  When she threw a fit to listen to him again, I told her that if she wanted something she needed to say please.  Cue terrible tantrum.  Cue the pouty lip and the waving of fists.  Which made me insist: "Avery, we don't act like that to get what we want.  If you want to listen to Mickey, you have to say please."  You see, this line ALWAYS worked before.  Want a banana? to watch TV? to wear a bow in your hair?  You must say please.  And she would.  Until recently.  Now she'll throw a fit to get what she wants...saying please is an absolute thing of the past.  I would like to say that I don't give into those embarrassing temper tantrums, but sometimes you're caught in public when one comes on.  What do you do?  You leave your cart full of groceries in the aisle and walk back to your vehicle because your child just HAS to have that rubber ducky she spotted on the shelf?  Sometimes, it's just easier to give her the rubber ducky that will keep her entertained the rest of the time we're in the store.  I know that's not the best thing to do.  So sue me.  It's hard disciplining a 17 month old.  She doesn't fully understand everything I'm trying to tell her.  I say "We don't pull mommy's hair.  That's not a nice thing to do Avery."  Who knows what she's hearing?  Probably: pull mommy's hair! 

Let's move on to dinner time.  Eating out at a sit down restaurant is going to have to be retired for the time being.  Avery wants to throw her cup, throw her toys, throw her food, get out of the chair, pretend to choke because she thinks it's funny (yeah....that really happens).  I understand that she's still a baby, leaning towards being a toddler and that she isn't always going to sit still whenever we're in public or eat all her vegetables.  I'm not naive.  But I definitely don't want to be embarrassed any time Marty and I decide to go eat dinner at Cheddars. 

Then there's playing well with others.  To summarize:  it doesn't happen.  Well, let me specify.  Avery plays well with others at a neutral place (i.e. someone else's house).  When those playmates are on "her turf," don't even think about it.  A while back, there were a couple of Avery's friends over at her Gramma's house.  They played with Avery's toys at Gramma's house....and Avery wanted nothing to do with it.  Harper would play with Avery's kitchen...Avery would run over and play with her kitchen.  Delaney would pick up Avery's play vacuum....Avery suddenly wanted to vacuum.  Lots of growling and yelling took place that day.  How do you teach a child that's Avery's age how to share?  I can tell her that she needs to share her toys, but again...what does that mean to her?  I have been blessed to have an amazing family that watches Avery during the week, thus keeping her out of daycare.  Am I doing Avery a disservice by keeping her out of daycare and keeping her away from the chance to learn how to interact with other kids her age?  What's a mom to do??

Someone told me that this could be the result of lack of sleep.  Well, at 17 months old, Avery is still not consistently sleeping through the night.  We may have a week of sleeping through and then a week of being up every night crying it out.  Then she may sleep through two days and cry the next three.  She's also not getting regular naps.  She may go to my Granny's house and take a three hour nap around 11 one day and then go to my Aunt Pam's and sleep 30 minutes at 12 the next.  Without me being with her every single day, it's almost impossible to regulate her naptime schedule.  Could I just have a grumpy baby because she can't figure out a consistent sleeping pattern??

Now that I've ranted, let me explain.  Avery rarely ever acts this way with anyone else (unless all my babysitters are lying when they tell me "She was perfect today!").  It seems to be just when she's with me.  That makes me feel like crap.  And let me clarify something else:  I know I just talked about everything that Avery is doing to misbehave, but my child is no means a terror.  She's still enjoyable to be around (for the most part), ALWAYS says thank you whenever you hand her an item and is so much fun.  Everything I mentioned above is behavior that happens occasionally.  No, she doesn't throw a fit every time we go to Wal-Mart.  No, she doesn't embarrass me every single time we're at a restaurant.  No, she doesn't throw a temper tantrum every single time she doesn't get what she wants.  But these instances are becoming closer and closer together.  And I want to raise a well-behaved and polite child (for the most part...I understand kids aren't perfect). 

I'm a little worried about this new development in Avery's behavior.  I worry that it's my parenting or disciplining style that's made her that way.  Help??
(I leave you with Avery's best "gimme-what-I-want" pouty face, as given to her Gramma)