May 24, 2011

Pregnancy rantings....

I've noticed a few things since becoming pregnant that I never noticed before.
1. People, mostly men, stare at my belly. Like I'm harboring an alien child. Sometimes, when dealing with customers, men's eyes will flit from my face to my stomach no less than 15 times in a 2 minute conversation with a nervous look on their face like I have a highly contagious disease that they're in danger of catching. Am I delusional in thinking that these men HAD to encounter pregnant women in the past? Some of these men have to be married with children...were you absent for the 9 months your wife was pregnant? You can't tell me that I'm the first expectant mom they've come across in all their years on this Earth. The bigger I've gotten, the more I've noticed this behavior. Like they're waiting for my water to break all over the place and they want to run away in the other direction as fast as they can. As if I didn't feel unattractive to you, man in the Wal-Mart line or customer in the bank that I'm walking past to go to the bathroom for the 25th time that day, I'm fine. I will not be going into labor any time soon (and if I do, feel free to go about your business. I have a cell phone and can call the hospital/my husband/my mother) and I am not going to pop out an alien child. Please stop staring at my belly. It's weird.
2. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've noticed that everyone and their brother wants to give me advice now. They ask lots of personal questions like if I'm quitting work, getting an epidural, having a home birth or if I'm breastfeeding my child. If I decide to answer those questions, they immediately ramble on about how I should quit work, shouldn't get an epidural, how home births are the best and how I should breastfeed until my child is 5. Thank you, kind stranger, for your unsolicited advice, but I think I'll be doing my own thing, which includes working, getting an epidural in the comfort of a hospital room and my breastfeeding plan is none of your beeswax. I totally understand that every mother thinks their way is best and they want to bring every person they possibly can to see things from their point of view. However, just because it was good for you, doesn't mean it's going to work for me. Note to self: when I become a mommy, keep the advice to myself unless otherwise asked for such advice. [disclaimer: this does not apply to family. I totally realize that, as my family, you are allowed to give advice whenever and wherever you'd like. I just don't have to listen to you. :)]
3. Suddenly, everyone I see is a doctor. When I stand up or walk by someone, they feel the need to exclaim "You're huge!!" or "Gosh! You look like you're about to pop any day now!" Actually, no. I have two more months left and will get a lot bigger than this. Thank you for your outburst because I didn't really feel like a sweaty beached whale that waddles. You've made me feel so much better about myself.
I hope when this is all over and I have the baby in my arms instead of my belly, people can go back to ignoring me. I'm sure I'll still receive the unwelcome advice once Avery comes and I'll have to learn to take that in stride. As long as they're not still telling me I look like I'm about to pop.


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