Jul 9, 2012

No better word for it...I'm FREAKING out.

I need some yoga calming techniques.  Or a good paper bag to breathe into.  Maybe some Valium or Xanax would do the trick.  Whatever the case, I need help.  My daughter is turning a year old in two and a half weeks and I am completely.freaking.out. 
Let me start by saying that I was not this way a week ago.  Heck, even yesterday I was a completely normal mother of an 11 1/2 month old and was (almost) totally okay with the fact that Avery's birthday was fast approaching.  I've bought the materials to make her birthday invitations (pictures and tutorial coming soon!).  I've picked out the perfect little birthday outfit and am going to order it on Friday.  I have TONS of ideas for her Minnie Mouse-themed party.  I've talked about her turning one, I've thought about her turning one, I've prepared myself for her turning one.  And, for the most part, I've been fine with it.  Of course, I've had little moments when I've been momentarily sad that she's getting so big and that she's learning to walk.  I've shed a few tears thinking about that sweet little newborn and that she'll never be that little again.  All in all, I've been almost ready for her to turn a year old.  She's at such a fun age and getting a major personality and I can't wait to see what other new things she discovers.  I'm loving watching her grow up into an almost-toddler.  All of that, however, came to a screeching halt today. 
You see, all along, Marty and I have been planning to buy her a brand-new, rear-facing/forward-facing convertible car seat for her 1st birthday.  My little munchkin is only in the 10th and 15th percentiles for her height and weight, respectively, and I wasn't worried about switching her until she turned a year old.  Over the last couple of weeks, I've noticed subtle changes in our little girl.  Her legs are getting a little bit longer, she's getting a little bit taller, and her car seat straps are getting a little bit tighter.  Basically, I could switch her over to a new car seat any day.  Even that seemed like a faraway thought because I still hadn't purchased a fancy (and expensive!) new car seat.  I had been price-checking and comparing the different brands between all the local stores.  I had cut coupons from Babies-R-Us and written down all the brands and prices that Wal-Mart and Target both carried.  I shopped online.  But I hadn't acted on anything.  Subconsciously, I think I was stalling for time and I didn't even realize it.  Until yesterday.  Marty and I were killing some time in town and we decided to stop at a local children's consignment store.  I was just going to run in, do my price comparison process and leave.  As we were checking out the available brands, one of the associates came over and asked if I had seen the gently used car seats out front.  Turns out, they had a like new, Britax Boulevard 70 car seat for only $80.  The new one just like it was sitting on the shelf with a hefty price tag of $379!!  Online, I've found them ranging from $250-$400.  I wasn't planning on buying it, but I couldn't pass up that price or that brand.  So now, I have this new car seat just ready to be installed in my car and be used by my growing girl....and I can't do it.  This morning, I saw the new car seat sitting in my back seat and my sleeping girl in her infant carrier and I lost it.  I am frozen with fear, all over a car seat.  I don't want to move her to this "big girl" seat because I know it symbolizes her growing up, growing older and eventually losing that "baby" status that I love so much.  I can see the progression now:  rear-facing now, forward-facing later, then a booster, then driving.  Literally, I can feel my blood-pressure rising just as I type this!  The fact that my girl is turning one and time has just flown by has hit me square in the face and I'm not ready.  Not ready at all.  If you have any tips to get me through the next two to three weeks, I will gladly welcome them.  Otherwise, my child is staying in her tiny little infant carrier forever.


Nicole Hines said...

It is really hard to realize that your baby is growing up. I remember the first time Landen went from calling me "Mama" to "Mommy" I cried. Landen is starting preschool in August and I am dreading it. I have actually thought about not even sending him. We got a supply list in the mail last week and it hit me! I know he will only be going for 2 days a week for 3 hours but he is our little baby:) I remember I just kept real busy around his birthday so I didn't think about it as much. Now I have a feeling when the time comes for Grayson to turn 1 I will be a wreck. I have babied him a lot more. Probably because deep down inside I know he will probably be our baby. Sorry I can't help anymore but try to just cherish this time and soak up the memories that will make it better:)

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