Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman....Step 1

Last week, I made the conscious decision to be the best "Proverbs 31" woman I could be.  I am going to strive to be better in my relationships with my family, provide food, wisdom and love for my husband and daughter and become closer in my walk with Christ through this project.  Before I start this project though, there's something that needs to be done.  Before I can tie on my apron strings or start praising my husband and bring him good, not harm, I have one step I need to take that's pretty crucial.  I first need to work on loving myself. 
I've always struggled with low self-esteem...pretty much my entire life actually.  I've never felt pretty enough, cool enough, fashionable enough, funny enough.  Basically, I just have never felt like I'm good enough.  Because of that, I am constantly comparing myself to everyone around me. 

"Gosh, she's so witty.  Why can't I think of funny things to say like that?" 

"Her child is so well-behaved.  What have I done wrong that Avery isn't perfect like her little girl?" 

"Man.  Her blog has 150 followers.  What am I doing wrong that I can't get that many?" 

And on and on and on the cycle continues.  Instead of thanking my Heavenly Father for giving me friends that are funny or great moms or good bloggers, I envy their life.  I compare them to me and always come up with the conclusion that I fall short.  But who's to say that their life is the standard for how things should be?  Why does my friend with the perfect child embody a perfect mom to me?  So my kid cries when she's hungry and has learned how to stomp her foot when things don't go her way....does that make me a bad mom?  So what if my friend's blog has more followers than mine?  I should be excited for her successes and thankful for the readers I do have.  Instead of always comparing myself to others, I need to be thankful for what I've been given.  Judging myself compared to the people around me is always going to make me feel inadequate.  This quote has now become my life motto.  I'm writing it down and carrying it in my car, pocket, wallet, purse so I can see it wherever I go. 

"Someone will always be prettier.  Someone

will always be smarter.  Someone

will always be younger.

But they will never be you."

How true is this?? She may have better clothes or a more successful blog, but she isn't ME!  She isn't a 5'4" brunette married to Marty, mother of Avery, daughter of Dennis and Lisa.  She can't spout out Disney quotes like it's her personal information and she didn't grow up with the best cousins a girl could ask for.  She doesn't have a small scar on her left hand from a curling iron burn right before her ballet recital.  She isn't the big sister of Dayna and Kristen. She's never had my Granny's fried chicken or watched golf with my Papaw.  She doesn't know what it's like to be rocked by my Meemaw or have memories of my Peepaw.    She isn't me.  I'm me...and I'm the only me there is.  God made me special...and HE loves me.  So what if I don't have her life or her looks or her cooking skills?  I do have a plethora of skills and abilities that God DID bless me with.  While I was brainstorming about this post, I was trying to think of my best features.  Sadly, it took me awhile to come up with more than 5 things that I currently like about myself.  There's something so wrong with that!  How can I ever expect Avery to respect me or Marty to love the unique things about me if I can't be confident and love myself?  How can I ever teach my daughter to have self-respect and self-worth if I don't embody that belief myself?  So, every morning (and hopefully multiple times a day), I'm going to start giving myself praises.  During my lather, rinse, repeat routine, I'm going to name 5 things that I like about myself.  And they can't be the same every day.  Five DIFFERENT things that I like about myself or think that I do well.  Or maybe I'll just repeat the mantra from The Help daily: 

"You is kind.  You is smart.  You is important."



The Proverbs 31 Project

Recently, I finished reading a book called "My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 wife" for a church book club (nevermind that the club met back last winter and I'm just now finishing the book....that's completely irrelevant) and it had a profound impact on my view of my status as a wife and mother. 
Basically, the book is about one woman's journey to be the perfect "Proverbs 31" wife.  In the book of Proverbs in the Bible, in chapter 31, is a description of a wife of noble character--the wife we are all supposed to strive to be on a daily basis:

^{10 [b]}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Seriously?  Who are you kidding, book of Proverbs??  "She gets up while it is still night and provides food for her family"??  "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands"??  Where's the verse about the husband rising up at night to see to the affairs of the household?  Or the husband doing his part to raise a family?  Why is it all about the woman's duties and things she should be doing?  When I first analyzed this verse, I was really miffed...to be completely honest.  I didn't see why it all fell on the woman's shoulders to keep the family fed, clothed, clean and happy.  This is the 21st century, for goodness sake!!  But after my self-rightous thoughts subsided, I was ashamed.  Does my husband "rise up and call me blessed and praise me?"  Do I always "speak with wisdom with faithful instruction on my tongue?"  Unfortunately, I know the answer without having to dig very deep.  So that inspired me to start my own "Proverbs 31 Project" to become the wife, mother, homemaker and daughter of God that I am supposed to be--that I NEED to be.  I have got to get out of this lazy mindset that the wash can wait until tomorrow and that it won't kill us to eat fast food just one more day this week until I can make it to the grocery.  Today, I'm going to start striving to be a "Proverbs 31" wife of the 21st century and I'm going to show you how you can too.  It doesn't mean that we have to make our family's clothing from scratch or wake up in the morning before the sun rises to ensure we get everything done.  It is about taking responsibility and realizing that the home and our family's happiness does depend on us--like it or not.  I don't expect to become June Cleaver by the end of this project, but I do expect to be a darn good wife, mother and Christian when it's over.  So......day 1 initiated.