Love Is.

I'm not gonna lie. At one time, my views on love were verrrry different than they are right now. But after seven years together, four years of marriage and one daughter later, I have a little different opinion on what love looks like.

When Marty and I were dating and newly married, love looked like a nice dinner and a movie. It looked like driving around and talking forever about anything that was on our minds. Flowers for no reason. Buying me jewelry. Sweet love notes. PDA. Grand gestures of love. 

Now, it looks a little bit different. Love looks like running through a drive thru so I don't have to cook. Buying me a Dr Pepper because he knew I had a headache and we were out of caffeine at home. Holding my hand in Walmart.  Finding time at the end of the day to talk about our days and spend some time alone. Asking if I'd like to sit on the couch and watch the Big Bang Theory with him. Taking the trash out before I even ask. 

I know those of you that are newlyweds are probably shaking your heads and laughing. Don't get me wrong, we had our honeymoon stage. But now, it feels different. Now, Marty telling me that he's going to take Avery out of the house for the afternoon so I can get some things done and then take a nap is just as romantic as a bouquet of flowers (sometimes even more so, depending on what I need to get done!). I don't need the public displays of affection and the expensive gestures. Are they nice? Sure. Are they appreciated? Absolutely. A dinner alone is needed every once in awhile. But I don't need it every day. Because I know that, in his own way, through his actions that my husband is telling me he loves me every single day. And that's hot. :) 

Ain't love grand?

When I was younger, I had a black Labrador retriever named Pepper. Greatest dog ever. I got him for Christmas when I was 2 years old and grew up with that dog by my side.  I adored him. And I thought I knew what love was....
Until I had my first "boyfriend" in middle school. We never went on a date, held hands or really even talked to each other, but I thought I knew what love was....
Until I had my first high school relationship. We went on dates and hung out.  And I thought I knew what love was....
Until I met Marty.  We had an instant connection to each other and even when we were "just friends," I always wondered what it would be like if we were dating.  Then he asked me to be his girlfriend.  And I was convinced I knew what love was....
Until we had been together for a few years and he got down on one knee in front of hundreds of people at Disney World and asked me to be his wife.  I was so full of emotion, I thought my heart would explode.  And I thought I knew what love was....
Until I walked down an aisle, my dad's arm linked in mine, anxiously waiting to recite my vows and become Mrs. Marty Gaddie.  I was a crazy, don't see anyone but him, head over heels newlywed.  And I thought I knew what love was...
Until we got through our first year of marriage together.  We went through ups, downs, fights, date nights and building a home together.  And I thought I knew what love was....
Until I saw him hold our child.  Knowing that God put this man in my life and blessed us with this beautiful child, who is a perfect combination of us both overwhelms me daily.  Watching Marty with our baby girl is enough to bring me to tears and makes my heart swell with joy.  The love I have for her is indescribable and completely different than any love I've felt before.  And I'm convinced.  THIS has to be what love is.

I'd do a lot of things different.....or would I?

I've got a question for all you former brides out there.....when does the remorse and depression of having your wedding over with and the overwhelming want to plan another one pass? I can't watch bridal shows like Say Yes to the Dress without being jealous that those ladies are still in the midst of wedding planning. Still getting to make decisions about bridesmaid dresses and table linens and cocktail napkins. I know I sound crazy, but I loved (almost) every single minute of wedding planning. I loved browsing page after page of the latest bridal magazines. I loved looking at pictures of other people's weddings, silently stealing ideas and putting my own twist on them. Now I look at wedding pictures and I sigh with longing. I glance at bridal magazines and see ideas that I never thought about for my own wedding. I guess that's my biggest issue--wanting to go back and change things that I did. For example, I am obsessed with all things black and white (I guess it's my inner Audrey wannabe). My wardrobe consists of 90% black and white, 10% every other color in the spectrum. When it came time to plan my wedding, it seemed absolutely natural that I should plan a black and white wedding. But I didn't want my bridesmaids to wear black. I don't know why....I've seen it in weddings and I LOVE it, but for some reason, the idea freaked me out when I was planning my own wedding. So I decided on eggplant purple and champagne accents. It was very vintage and very me, but not as "me" as a black and white wedding would have been. Looking back, I see that I could have picked out black and white printed dresses for my maids to wear....or a really cute black cocktail dress like my best friend Holli is doing for her wedding. But the second guessing extends to all aspects of my wedding....did we choose the right cake design? Since I only went to one bridal store and my dress was the 4th one I tried on, did I miss out on getting "the perfect dress???" Should I have included more songs in the ceremony for people to enjoy? Was our food selection diverse enough for everyone to get something they wanted??? And then I realize.....what's the point? My whole life, I have been a second guesser. I walk away from a situation immediately wondering how I could have done something differently. And what does that achieve? I can't go back and change things....so why make myself miserable? Our wedding was almost a year ago (wow, that's hard to believe) and it was beautiful. Yes, I would have loved a black and white wedding, but my girls looked beautiful in purple. Our florist picked the most gorgeous seasonal purple shades. My dress couldn't have been more perfect for me if I had designed it myself---lace, vintage, everything I wanted. I even had a wedding guest ask me if I was wearing my grandmother's wedding gown. Perfect! And even if we didn't have a big enough food spread or the right amount of songs in the preceremony..........who cares?!?! Why should I be looking back on my big day and wondering "what if?" Instead, I'm going to remember how handsome my future husband was in his tuxedo. How proud I was to be a member of my family---did you see how good my mom and dad looked?? How the church was packed full of every single person I wanted to spend my special day with. And that's all that matters, right? So, all you girls on Say Yes to the Dress: enjoy your day. Because I wouldn't trade mine for anything. :)